“No,” I said honestly. “It isn’t.”
He turned away, shaking his head in disbelief. “Of course not.”
“It’s not enough because I care about you, Alex. A lot, actually,” I said, “and Iwantto help you. I just don’t know how.”
He finally let out a long, low breath, relaxing his shoulders. “You are helping me. More than you know.”
I wanted to touch him, to say something to get him to turn around, but I wasn’t sure what would get through to him. Instead, I folded my arms over my chest and waited for him to speak.
Finally, after a long moment, he said, “You weren’t wrong.”
“About what?” I asked, confused. “I said a lot of things back there.”
“About someone hurting me.”
Everything in me screamed to reach out to Alex, to comfort him somehow, and I had to force myself to remain where I was.
“Can I ask what happened?’ I pressed in a quiet, sure voice.
Alex turned halfway around, glancing up at me through his long lashes. “My ex,” he said simply. “He liked to drink himself stupid almost every weekend, to the point he couldn’t even remember his own name. And sometimes, he’d hit me. Never in a place I couldn’t hide and nothing too bad, but enough that I’d hurt for a few days after.”
I started to feel dizzy and realized I hadn’t taken a single breath since he’d started talking. “Alex,” I murmured, blinking back tears. God, what this man had been through…
“But you know what really pushed me over the edge? What really made me leave?” Alex continued through gritted teeth, and I vaguely noticed his hands were clenched in tight balls. “The day I came home to find him pulling Roxy out from under the bed by her tail. She was yelping and holding her paw up, and somehow I knew… I justknewhe’d kicked her. He’d tried before, when he was on one of his rampages, but I’d always been there to stop him, and she’d managed to get away. Not that time though. He’d kicked and hurt her and…” Alex shook his head, unable to finish his sentence, as though saying the words were enough to make everything real again. “That’s when I decided enough was enough. I waited until he left for work, packed some bags, took all the cash I had in my dresser, and left.” He sucked in a breath as if trying to steady himself. “I had nowhere to go, so I stayed in Spokane for a while, but the shelters wouldn’t allow Roxy inside, so eventually I just started walking.”
“God, Alex, I’m so sorry.” I hated that my voice broke. All I wanted right then was to be strong for him, to be the person he could lean on and trust to make things right, even though I didn’t know how. I couldn’t even imagine going through something like that, and there was nothing I could say or do to make him feel better.
I wanted—no,needed—him to know that something like that would never happen again. Not if I had anything to say about it. So I took a few hesitant steps in his direction and reached out to him. Both to reassure myself that he was okay and to remind him that I wouldn’t ever hurt him like that. When he didn’t flinch or pull away, I breathed a sigh of relief.Maybe he does still trust me.
“Alex,” I said, wiping at my face with my other hand. “You must know how much it kills me that he did that to you.”
Alex closed his eyes. “Most of the time he wasn’t that bad.”
“Don’t youdaredefend him,” I said firmly, making him look up in surprise. “Don’t you ever defend him. To me or anyone else, you hear me? Hehurtyou, Alex! There’s no excuse for that.”
“He wasn’t always like that. It was just the last six or seven months that we were together,” he said.
“That doesn’t matter! It shouldn’t have happened at all! People aren’t supposed to hurt other people, Alex. Period. Who knows what would have happened if you’d stayed? I’m glad you got out when you did.”
Alex looked down to where my hand rested on his arm, as if our connection was the only thing keeping him calm.
“I would never hurt you like that. Please, tell me you know that.”
Without looking at me, he nodded. “I do,” he said quietly. “You’ve always been… soft with me. Gentle and kind.”
I didn’t realize until that moment how desperately I needed to hear him say that. “Because that’s what you deserve, just like anyone else!” I took a step closer, forcing his attention. “That’s all I want for you. Kindness and goodness and joy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You’re a good man, Alex. That’s all I see when I look at you.”
Alex took a step closer, breathing in deeply, as if trying to take in more of the comforting scent of my shampoo. “I think I forgot what kindness was until I met you.”
“Oh, babe.” I slipped my arms around him and kissed him once before tucking my face in his neck. “I’m sorry I said those things to Bri. I shouldn’t have. I just… God, she made me so mad. I knew you’d been hurt, but you kept yourself so closed off, and I didn’t know what to say to defend you.”
He hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry too. I should have trusted you more. You’ve never given me a reason not to.”
We held each other in the cold hallway until the front door opened and a blast of cold air entered the lobby. Bri stepped in, bundled in her coat, with the hood drawn up over her head, hiding her long dark hair. She froze when she saw us, then dropped her gaze. “I just wanted to be sure you were okay.”
“He’s fine,” I said, purposely redirecting her attention to Alex. She knew Alex had been standing behind me while I ranted, yet she hadn’t tried harder to get me to stop. She’dletme hurt Alex.
When Bri looked up, I was surprised her attention wasn’t on me at all but on Alex. “I actually meant that to you, Alex. I wanted to be sure you were okay. I pushed Vaughn, when I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry.”
