“Jake?” Mom asked. “You there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry,” I said, sucking in a breath. “I’m glad you called. I need to talk to you.”
“Is everything okay? It’s not Reyes, is it?”
“No, not him,” I said. “Do you remember Harrison?”
“The boy I met?”
“Yeah. He’s been staying with us this last week since his foster dad is in the hospital in Charleston.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Will he be okay?”
“I don’t know yet. We’re going to visit him on Sunday.”
“Well, it’s good of you to take him in like that. He seems like a great kid.”
“Yeah, he really is. He’s… he’s amazing.”
She waited, but my emotions were making it difficult to speak. I felt so small and weak in that moment, nothing like the brave police officer she knew me to be.
The warmth of Lady’s body gave me strength and I let myself get lost in her amber eyes, focusing on the velvety smooth texture of her fur between my fingers.
“Well, how are you and Reyes doing, then?” Mom asked, sounding hopeful. “Things must be going good if he’s staying with you?”
“Yeah, things are good with us. Really good actually.”
“Then what’s wrong?” she asked.
I sighed. “I just hate bringing this kind of stuff into their life, Mom.”
She paused before asking, “Whatstuff?”
“My job,” I said harshly, throwing a hand in the air. “It’s not fair to put the stress on his shoulders. And what I do puts me more at risk of—"
“Don’t you say it!” she snapped. “You can’t think like that, Jake!”
“I have to!” I said bitterly. “You and I both know how easily something could happen.”
There was a heavy silence on her end as she considered her reply. “You have always been so selfless, son. Even at your worse, you still think of others first. It’s why you’re so good at your job. But, Jake, honey, you aren’t protecting Rey by keeping him at a distance. Surely you see that, don’t you? He’ll love you regardless. Whether you push him away or you let him in, he will still love you just as much.”
Her words were the same thing I’d said to myself just a few moments ago. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to protect them, Reyes and Harrison would still love me. And they had no idea how much I loved them back because I’d been too damn selfish to tell them.
“I just don’t want to cause them this kind of pain someday, if something happened.”
“Your father worried about that too. But you know what? I would gladly feel that pain all over again if it meant I could love him one more day.”
“But he could still be here! If the stress of his job hadn’t weakened his heart—"
“Yes, he could, but that doesn’t change the fact that we still had our time with him. Do you really think I would have chosen another life if I had known how it would end?”
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know what to say.
“I loved your father with everything I had, and that meant I had to accept everything about him, including his job. I was always so proud of him, Jake. Even when I was scared, I was still so proud of who he was. Of course I wanted him safe, just like I want you safe, but your careers taught me how to value every moment I have with you. I had twenty-three wonderful years with him, and God willing, I’ll have many, many more years with you. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”
The emotion in Mom’s voice made me wish I could take her in my arms. I hadn’t meant to cause her distress.
“I miss him,” I said.
