29
BECKETT
Age 21
Two fucking years. How has it been two years since I last heard Riley’s voice? To make it worse, I was coming up on my sixteen-month mark with the army, yet it already felt like I’d been here sixteen years. Every day was brutal, every night torture. It wasn’t meant to be like this. It was meant to fill the hole, not slash it open more.
Something glinted in the shower at my feet and I looked down. Whoever used the stall last left their razor and now it was reflecting up at me like it was some sort of sign. I’d heard of people finding relief at the hand of a blade. How the sting of the cut and seeing their blood run down their skin somehow lessened the pain they felt inside.
Dark thoughts threatened to sink their claws in as I bent to pick it up. Maybe if…
“Hey,” a voice called. “Mind giving that back?”
A man wrapped in a towel was standing in the entry to the shower stall, his arm outstretched. It barely registered that he had blond hair and stood a few inches shorter than me. I recognized him from around base but couldn’t recall his name. Jason, maybe? Or Jackson? Fuck, I didn’t know. Something with a J, I think. The constant haze of despair I’d been living in made it difficult to remember anything these days.
He took a step into my shower. “Did you hear me?”
I wanted to be mad that he’d encroached on my space or embarrassed that I was standing butt naked mere inches from him, but frankly, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore. Except for that tiny rivulet of water working its way down his chest… For some reason,thatcaught my attention.
The man cleared his throat, drawing my eyes back up to his startling blue ones. They were full of just as much pain as my own. That’s when I remembered his name. Jacob was the same rank as me and often worked the same hours I did on base.
Something passed between us. It wasn’t sparks, or even interest. Just… understanding.
“Looks like you need something as badly as I do,” Jake said softly, letting his eyes trail down my body.
When I said nothing, he reached out and traced a finger along my hardening cock. That touch was the only thing stronger than the call of the blade, so I gave in, slamming my lips down on his.
***
I pulled onto the quiet road, my hands sweaty with nerves. I’d spoken to Riley just an hour ago and I thought about telling him what I was about to do but chose not to. Not only because I didn’t want him to worry, but because I didn’t want him to know I’d be arriving in Reedsport a full three days early. I couldn’t wait to see him. It had been three weeks since I kissed him goodbye in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Three weeks since I last held him in my arms, since we last made love… Now I’d be seeing him in less than eight hours, if all went well. Jake was meeting me in about an hour and would follow me with his truck full of my belongings. I’d ended up donating or giving away most of my stuff, so between Jake’s F250 and my Explorer, we would manage to get everything I wanted to keep in one trip.
I saw a familiar head of brown curls jumping around in the front yard as I pulled up to the curb of my sister’s house. Harper’s eyes went wide when she realized who it was, and she bolted for my door. I barely managed to open it before she flung herself in my lap, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck.
“UNCLE B!” she squealed.
I climbed out of the car, holding her with one arm while I closed the door with the other. I fought back the growing ache in my chest as I hugged her. I hated leaving this little girl. Hated the fact that I would be six hours away if anything else ever happened to her. I would miss our sleepovers, her crazy stories, and our water fights in the summer. But I also knew it was only a temporary goodbye. I’d see her regularly, somehow. I hadn’t actually told Tosh I was leaving yet, but I hoped she’d let her daughter come visit us on a regular basis. Riley and I were already talking about building a wall in his upstairs loft to make a few more bedrooms and we planned to have one specifically set up for Harper when she came to stay with us.
When I opened my eyes after enjoying a long, sweet moment with my niece, I saw Tosh standing on the front step, her arms folded over her stomach in a nervous posture. I pressed a kiss to Harper’s cheek and set her down.
“Go play while I talk to your mom, okay?”
She scampered back to the game she was playing with the neighbor boy. Part of me wondered if that was the “boyfriend” Tosh had told me about on our phone call the first time I’d visited Reedsport. That day felt like a lifetime ago.
I reached my sister in a dozen steps, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, Tosh,” I said hesitantly.
“Hey, want to come inside? I have lemonade. I was making it for the kids, but there’s plenty if you want some.”
“Sure.”
I waited in the living room while Tosh went to the kitchen to pour me a glass. Harper and the boy were tossing a ball back and forth, singing a song together.
When I heard Tosh return, I struggled with what to say. Without her daughter as our buffer, I wasn’t sure how civil this conversation was going to be. I had no idea how my sister was going to react when I told her I was leaving.
I accepted the glass and took several gulps.
“Glad she’s doing better,” I said.
“Yeah. It’s like nothing happened. She’s back to her normal self, full of energy.”
