“Beckett, wait.”
Beckett became instantly on edge at the sound of his sister’s voice. Jake was right there, too, ready to stop Tosh if she tried to hurt Beckett again, but something told me she wouldn’t. There was too much vulnerability in her posture. Too much regret in her eyes. It was a look I’d seen once before.
Beckett finally turned to look at his sister, his grip firm in my hand.
Tosh took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough. It will never be enough for all you’ve lost. But I am sorry to both of you for my role in keeping you apart.”
“You knew!” Beckett accused. “You knew how I felt about him, Tosh! And howhefelt about me. You saw it in our book.That’s why you kept it from me!Isn’t it?”
Tosh was at a loss for words, the courage she’d mustered moments ago vanishing before our eyes.
“Riley wanted me to know. That’s why he made those pages. He was going to tell me!”
“I know! I just…” she cast me a look before looking down at the floor, her arms crossed. “I thought it would hurt you more,” she said finally.
“Why?” I asked. “That’s all we want to know. I know you hated me, Tosh, but why not tell Beckett the truth? He could have at least known I went looking for him.”
“I didn’t hate you!” she cried. “I envied you, Riley!”
I straightened, shocked by her statement.
“You were infoster careand you still had better parents than we did. The Henrys… they were so good to both of you. I never felt like I could live up to them.”
Beckett stepped in front of me, inches away from his sister. I didn’t let go of his hand, ready to pull him back if needed.
“No,” he said flatly. “Even if that was true, it doesn’t explain why you treated Riley like crap when we were kids. How can you say you were envious of him when you treated him like he was just an annoying bug? You barely let him in our house and constantly put him down.”
Ben stood next to his wife, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, though I could tell from his expression he was torn by which side of this conversation he was supporting.
She glanced at me then Beckett. It was a long time before she spoke again. “It was supposed to be you and me, Beckett. With our parents gone, you were all I had.”
“I was still there for you!” Beckett spat. “As much as I possibly could be, I was there, Tosh.”
“But you didn’t let me be there for you!” she cried.
Beckett flinched. I could tell how much her words were hurting him, and I wished like hell I could take some of his pain away.
“Can’t you see that? You…” she dropped her gaze again and took a moment to find her words. “You went to Riley for everything, Beck. He knew more about Mom’s drug addiction than I did, because you told him everything. Did you know I had to hear through Riley that Mom missed two of your birthdays because she was high? You never told me that, but Riley knew. He also knew when you won that award in high school, but I had no idea until I got the letter in the mail.”
Beckett’s hand was shaking in mine, but otherwise he barely moved.
“I just wanted what you guys had, and I never even had that chance. I know you didn’t trust me because I ran away, but even when I was your guardian…” she trailed off.
“So, what? When you saw him in town you just decided to take that choice away from me? To let your own emotions, your own jealousy, get in the way of reconnecting me with the one person who mattered? The one person who gave me hope when I hadnothing?”
Tosh glared at her brother with tear-filled eyes. “It should have been me, Beckett!Ishould have been the one person who mattered to you!”
“He was my best friend!” Beckett argued.
“I WAS YOUR SISTER!” she nearly screamed before glancing back over her shoulder at Harper’s room. “I was your sister,” she repeated in a quieter voice, “and you always chose Riley.”
I saw his other hand clench tightly in a ball, so I pulled him gently and to my surprise, he retreated.
“Why didn’t you tell me you saw him?” Beckett asked, his voice broken. “And why deny his grandpa’s request when he tried to contact me?”
She wiped an unsteady hand under her eyes, unable to look at anyone. “I was scared, okay? I was scared if you had Riley back, I’d never see you again.”
Beckett didn’t seem to know what to say to that. “Is that why you told me not to go when I found him?”
“Yes!” she cried, then backpedaled. “That’s part of it. But I was also ashamed, Beck. I’ve had to look into my baby brother’s eyes every day and know that the emptiness I saw there was because of me! I knew if you went to him—”
“You knew I’d find out,” he finished with disgust. “Rather than tell me the truth all these years, you tried to hide it. Just like Mom, right? When she tried to hide all her drugs? Look where that got her, Tosh. Look where it gotus.”
Her face crumpled but she didn’t look away this time. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, Beckett.” She looked to me. “And you, Riley. I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Then she turned and walked back to her daughter.
