I held Beckett’s hand as we drove to the hospital. I didn’t need to know the little girl to know exactly how much she meant to him. The fear in his voice when he called me two nights ago at two in the morning told me as much, as did the joy when he first showed me pictures of her back in Reedsport. His response was nothing less than what I’d expect from someone hearing a loved one was in pain or danger.
I just hadn’t expected him to feel so torn between her orme.
It only emphasized all the emotions I’d been seeing behind those brilliant hazel eyes of his. Was it possible Beckett really did love me? I hadn’t been ready to put a name to my own emotions until he’d all but disappeared on me, and by then I had barely been able to breathe when I thought he was in trouble. I have no idea how I managed to stay in control as much as I did. It left no doubt I was in love with him.
When we entered the hospital with Jake thirty minutes later, Beckett was trembling slightly. The silence that had fallen over the three of us in the elevator was deafening. All I could do was hold his hand and give him reassuring smiles whenever he looked at me.
We greeted a nurse who directed us to Harper’s room, but as we got closer, Tosh saw us through the window and stepped out, head down like she was on a mission. Beckett’s steps faltered at the same time his hand tightened in mine. He stood in front of me, shielding me as though it was me her anger was directed at, but a split second later a loud crack resounded off the walls. It took me a few seconds to realize Tosh had slapped him.
“You selfish prick!” she wailed, raising her hand to slap him again but this time, Jake caught it. Her angry eyes remained fixed on Beckett. “You think it’s okay to ignore my calls just because you’re pissed at me? I needed you! Harper needed you and you…” Her voice cracked. “I’ve been calling you forsix hours,Beckett!”
If I hadn’t been standing next to Beckett, I would have missed the subtle flinch when her eyes filled with tears. He was not at all unaffected by her words. But with a steady, calm voice he asked, “What happened? What caused the seizure?”
She dropped her hand and wiped at the tears before stepping back. “They aren’t totally sure, but they think it’s a delayed reaction to the medication. Her brain looks fine in the scans, at least.”
When no one said anything, I asked, “Where is she? Can we… can Beckett see her?” I knew it was ridiculous to include myself in this, since I didn’t know the young girl, but Beckett tightened his hand almost painfully in mine, letting me know I was to go where he went.
Tosh finally acknowledged my presence, immediately noticing our joined hands. Her lip trembled as she looked away, but she nodded and turned to lead us to Harper’s room, which was dimly lit. A movie played on the wall from a projector above her head and I saw Ben standing near the window with a phone near his ear.
“UNCLE B!” a small voice squealed.
When someone flipped the light switch, I was taken aback by the most beautiful little girl I’d ever laid eyes on. The pictures Beckett had shared did nothing to show the true beauty his niece was graced with. Dark curls fell to the middle of her back and her eyes were the shade of summer grass, but it was her smile that truly made her stand out. Even laying in a hospital bed, she emanated more sunshine and happiness than a kid at a candy store.
Beckett went to her immediately, slipping his strong arms delicately around her tiny body and held her firmly but gently. His eyes were pinched closed and I knew he was fighting back tears. Harper’s arms were tight around Beckett’s neck, though she still lay in the bed.
“Hey, Rugrat,” I heard him whisper in a choked voice. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.”
When he pulled back, she clasped both of her hands on his face. Her voice was all business when she said, “You owe me a sleepover!”
He laughed. “I think I owe you five sleepovers. How are you feeling?”
“Better, but I want to go home.” Her smile faded and she reached for her uncle’s hand. It was so clear that these two had a special connection.
“You will soon,” he promised. Beckett glanced at me, then back at his niece. “Harper, do you remember when you introduced me to Jessica and you called her your best friend forever and ever?”
“Yeah. Mom said there wasn’t such a thing, but you said there was because you had one once.”
My heart swelled and I had to blink back a few tears of my own. I saw Tosh lift a hand to her face in my peripheral vision, but I couldn’t tell if it was to cover her mouth or wipe an eye.
Beckett leaned in to whisper, “Turns out, I still have one. I just lost my friend for a while, but he’s back now and I’d really like you to meet him. Is that okay with you?”
Harper’s eyes widened, then she looked at me, finally seeing me for the first time. Beckett continued to talk to her as she studied me. “His name is Preston. My best friend forever and ever.”
Her brows furrowed. “You said his name was Riley.” Beckett was clearly confused, so she explained, “You told me about your best friend once, when I stayed the night. You said his name was Riley, and he liked to draw on you, like how Daddy has drawings on his arms, except Riley’s washed away.”
Beckett’s jaw dropped. “I told you that?”
She giggled. “Of course, you did, Uncle B. Don’t you remember? You tried to draw a horse on me, but it wasn’t very good. It kind of looked like a sick dog. We named it Barfus.”
I had to put a hand to my mouth to suppress my laugh. Just picturing Beckett,myBeckett, drawing a horse on this little girl was enough to melt my heart.
It took him a moment to pull himself together. “I do remember now. That was a couple of years ago. Good memory, sweetheart. Well, Riley was his previous name, before he was adopted into a new family. That’s why he was gone for a while, but I found him so he’s back now.”
“To stay? Because Jessica didn’t stay. She’s still my best friend, but I don’t see her anymore since she lives so far away now.”
He gave her a sad smile. “I know sweetie, but yes, Preston’s here to stay. He lives in another state, but he’ll be here to visit often, I promise.”
A nugget of insecurity grew in my belly.Visit?We hadn’t really talked about what we wanted for our future, but his words were a bucket of ice water on my heart. I didn’t want tovisit,I wanted to be with Beckett every day. To wake up in his arms every morning and make love to him every night. Did he really expect me to do long distance? Could I do that, if it’s what he needed? Fuck! I knew it would be hard, and we definitely had things we needed to figure out, but I wanted us to betogether!
