“You know what, I forgot I need to call my sister. I’ll just step outside while you shop.”
It was a lie, of course. I hadn’t spoken to my sister since the night I walked out of her house after our argument about Riley. The look Riley gave me as I turned to leave, told me just how much he didn’t believe me, but he let me go without comment.
Once outside, I stormed off to the car, kicking the tire in frustration. I knew I was being petty. It wasn’t fair of me to be jealous over a potential client getting to see his shop before I did. But, I just didn’t understand why Riley was keeping this wall between us. Did he think I would judge how he ran his business? Or that I would judge his home? Was he embarrassed to have me see what he did? It just didn’t make sense.
I felt him giving me a few nervous glances as we drove back to Reedsport, but he still didn’t say anything. When we pulled into the parking lot down by the harbor, I barely caught myself before slamming the door. I didn’t wait for him as I headed down to the beach, because apparently that’s all he had in mind for yet another evening together. Lady ran past me, barking carelessly into the wind. I considered taking off with her, my legs even itched for the burn of a good run. It would do me some good, help burn off some steam.
Riley caught up with me before I could act on my thoughts, placing a hand to my arm to stop me. “Beckett, wait.”
That small touch, sent me over the edge. I whirled around, glaring at him with the full force of my hurt and anger.
“Do you have any idea how much I admire you or what you can do? How much I want to see more of it? Do you know how many times I’ve pulled up your website just to look at the things you’ve created because, for whatever reason, you won’t let me see them in person?”
Riley stumbled back, stunned by my anger.
“I’ve hinted several times how much I would love to see your shop and each time you’ve dodged me. Today I even asked if I could meet you at your house, and you flat-out lied to me about needing to get something in town!”
Riley blanched, wrapping his arms over himself in that protective gesture I’d seen so many times when we were kids. I hated that I was the one causing it, but I couldn’t stop now that I’d started.
“And then today, a total stranger approaches you about your work and within ten minutes, you’re inviting them over.” I shook my head. “I think I’ve made it pretty damn clear how much I want to be a part of your life again, but I’m kinda having a hard time knowing if I’m even welcome in it.”
“Beck—” he tried, but I continued on.
“When I had to go to Savannah, I called you every day.Every day,Riley,” I said quietly. “Not once did you call me. Do you realize that? It wasalways,me calling you.”
“Because you were working!”
“Then I get here, and it’s like… sometimes you do something that is so thoughtful and kind, and it just proves how well you still know me. Like the other day with the birds. God, that was soamazing, Ry! But then, other times, you’re so shut down and distant, I don’t even know if you’re hearing me.” I took a breath to calm myself. “I’m trying really hard to read you, Preston. I really am, because I don’t want to force you into this friendship again if that’s not what you want. But you’re sending me all sorts of mixed signals and I’m just having a really hard time trying to navigate this.”
He flinched and I had to wonder if it was because I used Preston instead of Riley, or if it was because I was being too harsh. Maybe a little of both. I’ve only called him Preston a few times because he’s always been Riley to me. That’s not something I planned to change, but we were on a crowded beach and I didn’t think he’d like me using his old name in front of everyone else.
I took a step forward and barely managed not to reach out and touch him. “I want you to trust me,” I continued, softer this time, “but I know that’s not something I can just ask for or force you to do. Not that I would ever force you to do anything, anyway. I want you here with me because you want to be. Just like I am. I don’t know what I can do to prove to you that I’m in this for the long haul, but I am. Maybe I caught you off-guard coming back into your life the way I did or something, and you’re not sure how to handle it. If so, that’s fine. I get it. I really do, but I just want to know where I stand, or if there’s even room for me in your life, Riley. Please.”
I waited for him to say something and when he didn’t, I dropped my gaze and let out a frustrated sigh.
“Fine. Maybe you need some more time to process all of this. That’s okay, I understand. You know how to get a hold of me.”
There were tears in his eyes, but I forced myself to turn and walk away. I wanted Riley in my life, but if I was completely honest with myself, I wanted so much more than that, too. Since reconnecting with him, I’d felt that spark come alive again in a whole new way. But it wasn’t just some teenage crush anymore. God, no. My feelings for Riley went beyond anything I’d ever felt before, and it nearly killed me that I couldn’t hold his hand or lean over to kiss him senseless sometimes. But I’d happily take whatever he was willing to give me for now, because I wanted him in my life one way or another.
I just didn’t know if he wantedmeinhis.
“Beckett!”
I stopped at the sound of his voice, but didn’t turn around, mostly because I wasn’t in control of my emotions anymore.
It took a few seconds for him to catch up to me and he placed a hand on my waist as he made his way around to face me.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just…” he sighed and closed his eyes for a second. “Will you come over? For dinner tonight, I mean. I love to cook and was going to do vegetable stew. Do you like that?”
“You don’t need—”
“I’ve wanted to, though. I have. I just…” he dropped his hand, folding his arms in front of himself again. It looked like he was at war with himself over something. “I don’t have people over so I’m not good at this.”
I furrowed my brows in confusion. Didn’t I just hear him invite someone to his place a few minutes ago? Maybe he was only doing this for me, trying to prove something.
“You sure? I don’t want to push—"
“Damn it, Beckett,” he snapped. “I said I’m sorry. Please come over and have dinner with me tonight.”
The corners of my mouth curved up in a smile. He was so damn cute when he was flustered. “Well, since you asked so nicely, sure.”
