I felt ashamed at how much relief that gave me. Riley wasn’t mine. He had every right to date whoever he wanted to.
We bought two bacon-wrapped hot dogs and sodas, then turned back in the direction of the beach, claiming an empty table. I was once again surprised when Riley took the seat next to me. Most people would choose to sit on the opposite side, but Riley seemed to want to be as close to me almost as much as I wanted to be near him, and that had my heart doing funny things.
We ate mostly in silence, sipping on our sodas while taking in the view of the ocean and occasionally sparing each other a tentative glance.
“It’s good,” I said, lifting the hot dog.
He nodded. “The best. The owner, Jacque, is from France. He has the coolest French accent, and the brightest blue eyes you’ve ever seen.” His cheeks colored again when he spoke and I wondered if Riley had a little crush on the guy. Wishful thinking, though. I didn’t even know if Riley was gay.
When we were done, we tossed our wrappers in the trash and continued walking along the water.
“It’s pretty here,” I said.
He smiled. “It is.”
“Have you lived in South Carolina long?”
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt and took a deep breath. “I’ve lived here since I left.”
That hurt. He’d left one home for another. Where did that leave me?
Stop being selfish,I reminded myself.
“And you’re happy here?”
He considered it for a moment, but when he answered, it seemed genuine. “Yeah, I am.” Then he was pulling my arm. “Come on. There’s no better place to see the ocean then up on the crest.”
I followed him through a thick field of tall grass until we reached a rocky hill. He seemed to know exactly which rocks to step on as he quickly ascended the ridge, glancing back at me occasionally to be sure I was still with him. When we reached the top, my mouth fell open as I took in the incredible view. To our right was a vast row of glowing lights from the town’s small shops, below us was the pier where ships lined the docks. In front of us, for miles and miles, was nothing but ocean and fading blue sky.
Riley was already taking a seat on a large rock near the edge. I sat to his right and felt a peace wash over me. The air, the water, and most of all, the height calmed me in a way I couldn’t explain. I’ve always craved heights when I needed to think and would often use the firemen’s training facility across the street from my apartment to put myself above my worries. The height of this crest reminded me of that building back home, and for the briefest of moments, I imagined myself being able to come here instead if I lived in Reedsport.
Riley rested his chin on one knee, wrapping both arms around his leg as he peered out over the water. As I studied his profile, I could tell he felt the same peace here I did, despite the uncomfortable conversation we were about to have. When he noticed me staring at him, he gave me a small smile.
“I’m still trying to figure out why you’re here. If you had more questions for Amelia, or…” he trailed off, a tiny hint of hope in his voice.
“I came back for you, Riley.” I said it plainly, leaving no room for questions. I wanted Riley to know he was the only reason I came back to Reedsport.
He seemed equal parts surprised and relieved, but even more unsure what to do with that information. Hell, we both were on unstable ground here. How did two people who were once thicker than thieves pick up where they left off after ten years? Was it even possible?
“I’ve almost forgotten about that name,” he admitted, after a long pause. “Riley, I mean. I’m so used to Preston now.”
“Why’d you change it? If you don’t mind me asking.”
He reached for a small rock and began rolling it in his hands. “My grandfather made me.”
“Is that who took you?” He nodded. “The social worker just told the Henrys that someone had legal claim to you but wouldn’t say who it was or where you were going.”
“He couldn’t tell them. Not legally.” He seemed reluctant to tell me more but after a deep breath, continued. “He contacted child services as soon as he heard about me, but I… I didn’t even know I had a grandfather until he showed up.” His lip trembled. “I tried to find you, Beck, to tell you, but I didn’t have a lot of time. It was the day before you were due back from New York, so I went to the house, hoping you’d come home early, but no one answered the door, and…” He choked on his words. “I asked if we could leave a phone number for you, or an address, or something, but the social worker said he was bound by the law to protect my grandfather’s privacy.” There was another long pause before he said, “I tried to write you, too. Even though Grandpa didn’t want me to, I tried. But the letters… they all came back with a big, fat Return To Sender stamped on them.”
I nearly cried out as a sharp pain hit my chest. “You wrote me?”
His beautiful eyes shone with tears as he focused on his hands. “Once a week for a few months, but every letter was returned. I thought… I thought you were mad at me, Beckett. That I’d hurt you too much, and…”
“We moved,” I explained quickly. “Christ, Riley, I never knew you wrote me.” Tears stung my eyes and it became difficult to breathe past the vice gripping my lungs. “Tosh got a job on the other side of town a few days after you left and Ben... do you remember Ben? The guy she was dating? He asked her to marry him. Our lease was up, so she said it just made sense to move in with him. Why didn’t you contact the Henrys, though?”
He wiped at his face. “I wasn’t allowed to use the phones and I was never good at remembering house numbers. I tried to write them a few times, but those came back too. The only address I knew was yours because… because it was your birthday. 817.”
Heavy tears fell down both our faces. Despite the ache in my chest, it felt damn good to finally know I had been right all along, that it hadn’t been Riley turning his back on me. We were torn apart by circumstance. Horrible, selfish circumstance.
