“Yes, think, and that don’t mean that I’m torn between you or someone else or not sure about you in general. It just means I can’t say for certain because I’ve never been in love or been loved. I’m not sure about what I’m feeling. What I know is I miss the hell outta you. I haven’t been sleeping for shit, you’re on my mind all gotdamn day, and the second you walked out that door, I felt out of place. I sat there for hours after you left like whatthe fuck am I supposed to do now? That’s new for me. I’ve never depended on or relied on anyone, ever. Not even Story. If he was there for me, cool, if not, I figured shit out on my own. So, to feel like I need someone is fucking with my head. That’s why I said think because I have no idea if what I’m feeling is love.”
I sat there watching her watching me and got pissed because she didn’t say anything. I had just opened myself up and put everything out there, and she didn’t say shit. Not one gotdamn word.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I just grabbed my hat, pulled it over my head, and stood.Fuck all this!She wanted to be in her feelings, even after I tried to explain. There wasn’t anything I could do about that.
“See, this is what you should have done.”
I looked back at her when I reached the elevator and waited for her to continue.
“When I walked out, like you’re doing now, you should have said ‘Sophie don’t go’. You didn’t though. You just let me leave, and that hurt.”
I released a sigh and walked back over to her. After I had her in my arms, I lowered my chin on top of her head.
“I know, and I apologize. I need you to forgive me.”
“I can do that.” Her tone changed and she actually sounded happy. “But it doesn’t fix everything. We still have a baby to consider.”
“Yeah, I know, so come on.” I led her back to the living room, and this time, took a seat on the sofa, pulling her into my lap.
It felt good to have her close again, but we still had to figure things out.
“You don’t want a baby right now, do you?” Sophie asked, looking up at me after she curved her body against my chest.
“That’s not a simple answer for me.”
Again, she was quiet.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but it’s not really about whether I want a baby, but more about if I can have a baby.”
“There is no can. We’re having a baby, Trooper, or at least I am. You have a choice in it, but I don’t.”
“I don’t think you understand what I mean. As a man, my job is to handle shit. If I’m with you, I take care of, protect and be what you need me to be. All that’s new for me because I’ve never been responsible for anyone but myself. Now I have you, and not just you. To think about adding a baby to that has me stressing.”
“But you don’t have to stress. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.”
“That’s just it. I know you can, but some things are just on me. My responsibility, whether I like it or not. My parents brought me into this world and walked away like I wasn’t shit. It was hard for me, but I survived. I’m not one of those people who walks around with a chip on their shoulder because life wasn’t easy for me, but I know I never want to fuck a kid up the way they did me.”
“But you won’t. You may not know what to do, but you know what not to do, and that’s leave. You think I have all the answers? I don’t, but the idea of getting it right motivates me to get it right. So is this what you want?”
I tightened my hold on Sophie and lowered my head to her shoulder.
“Yes, but if you don’t…” She stopped and waited for me to give her a response.
“You have to be patient with me. If you can do that I’m here… for both of you.”
“Are you sure?” She searched my face, looking for any uncertainty.
I wasn’t sure if it was there or not, but I damn sure felt it.
“I’m sure.”
I placed my lips against hers and kissed her like I had done in my head for the past two weeks. I’d missed that the most and took full advantage.
“I missed you too,” she said softly after she had ownership of her lips again.
“Word, show me then. Take these off.” I tugged at her sweatpants with a smug grin.
My dick had been hard since I stepped off the elevator. I wasn’t about to pretend I didn’t need to feel her.
