“But you are. Come here.”
He rolls to his back, taking me with him. His embrace feels so safe, as if he’s the only one able to chase off the stressful doubts eating at me. I burrow closer, tucking my nose against the crook of his neck to inhale his warm, musky forest scent.
“Talk to me,” he encourages.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I admit. “When I applied, I didn’t think I’d get in. Then I didn’t think about how long it would realistically take me since I’ve never done this before. I should’ve looked for a smaller pop up event to try first so I know what to expect.”
“Would you be happy with yourself if you back out?”
I purse my lips. “No. It would feel good because canceled plans weirdly feel freeing, but I’d be disappointed I missed out on this opportunity. I don’t like giving up.”
His fingers card through my hair. “Okay. So you’re not going to cancel your table.”
I sigh. “No. Doesn’t make me feel better now, though. I’m checking things off my to-do list, then remember something else I need to get done. It’s never-ending.”
“Do you need help? You know you have me. I’m sure Benny and Jess would offer advice if you went to them.”
I slide my lips together. He’s right.
“I know, I just—I wanted to do it myself. I?—”
When I break off with a frustrated sound, he soothes me with a calming touch, lulling me back from my snapping point once I’m too overstimulated.
“It’s okay. Take your time telling me. I’m listening.”
My throat twinges and I press my face into his skin. He always takes care of me. I swallow, gathering myself before continuing.
“This is hard to explain. I know it’s better to ask for help when I need it.”
“But?”
“I have trouble giving up control. I like doing all the parts myself. Except I know that means if I mess up by procrastinating or forgetting, I only have myself to blame.”
“There’s no blame. It’s okay to not do everything perfectly, right? Waiting until you get it all perfect will only slow you down. You do what you can—and I believe in you, Evie. You’re capable of so many great things. You’re putting yourself out there. That’s something to be proud of.”
His gentle, reassuring words wash over me. I cling to them, needing his comfort to anchor me from floating away into a spiral.
Perfect is impossible. No matter how much I fixate on my tendency for perfectionism. I have to embrace that owning my own business is messy. I can’t control everything.
I trace patterns on his chest. “Why do you have to make so much sense?”
His embrace tightens. “I’d be a shitty coach if I couldn’t strategize and give good pep talks. Take things one at a time, okay? And ask for help if you need it.”
“Yeah.”
“How about you take a break to give your mind a chance to reset. I’ll make you a snack. Would that help?”
I mull it over. “I do like snacks.”
“I know.” He kisses the top of my head. “Let me take care of you, okay? Don’t hide it from me when you’re struggling. I can’t be there for you if you don’t rely on me.”
I rise on my elbows to kiss him tenderly, pouring all my gratitude and love into it.
“Don’t know where I’d be without you,” I murmur.
“Hangry and skipping meals, I bet,” he teases.
I scoff. He tickles my sides until I burst out laughing. When he lets up, I catch my breath, grinning at him. He cups my cheek, green eyes brimming with fondness.
