My statement sounded more defensive than I intended. Just looking at her now wicked grin, I knew she smelled blood in the water.
Run! Now!
“And how do you knowthat?”
“He, uh, mentioned it the other day when we were having lunch,” I answered, berating myself for another slip.
“Don’t have time to ask aboutthatinteresting little tidbit, but later, you’re mine. Anyway, Donna in the lab heard it from Seville, who overheard Niko on the phone saying he was trying to win over some woman he was interested in. Looks like you have competition.” She sang the last sentence, and I wanted to throttle her.
“Makes no difference to me,” I tossed over my shoulder, walking quickly to the elevator. Once safely inside and thankfully alone, I slumped against the wall.
What in the fake dating twist was she talking about? He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone and hadn’t been for a while. Understanding dawned on me, sliding down into my addled brain.
Of course. He took me up on my offer to help him on dates because he was interested in someone. Did not see that coming. It wasn’t like I thoughtwe'dstart dating, did I? I didn’t even know if that’s whatIwanted. I mean, up until recently, he was my sworn enemy.
And yet…there was a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach, like the time Sofia dared me to eat sardines from the can. I shuddered just thinking about it, except this was so much worse.
Straightening up and wiping down my skirt as the elevator stopped on my floor, I mentally scolded myself for being jealous. As I marched into the marketing department, I made up my mind.
Niko and I were friends, and that’s all we’d ever be. End of story.
The restof the week went by quickly. Whenever I crossed paths with Niko, I was courteous but not overly friendly. Several times, I caught him looking at me, but he averted his eyes quickly, and I wondered if he was getting up the nerve to ask about our first lesson.
My declaration that we were only friends wavered at the thought of helping him catch the attention of whoever he was interested in.
“This is ridiculous,” I whispered. I was preparing to leave the office on Friday when my phone vibrated with an incoming message.
Niko:Hey. I guess I will see you tomorrow.
I bent my head back, staring at the ceiling in frustration. With fake cheer, I answered.
Me:Yes! Can’t wait.
Shoving everything I’d need for the weekend into my bag with force, I nodded and headed home.
You can do this. You are just friends getting together. That’s all. It’ll be fun.
I really needed to stop lying to myself.
Saturday morning,I went downtown to the Little Italy Farmer’s Market to pick up some specialty cheeses and jams for game night. It had been ages since I’d been there, and I could feel the tension of the week melting away as I sampled my way through the mass of tents.
That night, I made a simple dinner of roasted, farm-fresh vegetables I’d gotten at the market, along with some basmati rice topped with a pungent gorgonzola cheese and a drizzle of local wildflower honey. Just the act of going there, being outside, so near the beautiful harbor, I felt like I’d reclaimed a tiny piece of myself.
Niko’s words from our lunch still whispered into my heart that night as I got ready for bed. It was becoming clear that I had to let go of the lies my ex had told me. I could feel God’s prompting in the stillness of the evening as I lay in bed that night.
“God, I want to leave these things behind and find peace. Be patient with me a little longer, please.” I let those words, a promise from my heart, follow me into a peaceful sleep.
I texted Vicky Sunday morning, letting her know I wouldn’t be going to church, but I’d see her that evening. She sent me the kissing emoji, so I knew she understood. I took my coffee to the front porch and enjoyed what she and Sofia called ‘il dolce far niente,’ the sweetness of doing nothing. My Italian girl tribe would be so proud. It felt decadent, but freeing.
After a late breakfast, I found my Bible and scanned it for something to speak to my soul. I wasn’t ready to look up the scripture in Ephesians that Niko had told me about, knowing it meant a reckoning of sorts. That morning, I just needed God’s word to calm my soul.
I stopped in Zephaniah when I saw the passages in chapter three highlighted. For years, I had made notes in the margins and highlighted verses that spoke to me. Verse seventeen brought tears to my eyes.
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love.”
More tears tracked down my face as I read it over and over again. Wiping my face, I saw that the date next to the verse was the day I took my finals in my junior year at UCSD. The memories came back of how stressed I was after the plagiarism incident and of facing those final grades that semester.
Finding this verse back then had brought the same peace I now felt. God was near, and I sighed as I released some of the pain that had kept me from Him for two long years.
