“I take it we’re talking about the unattainable Leyla?” she asked with a snicker.
“Who else?” That was always my answer over the years. It wasn’t like I hadn’t dated, but I’d never had a serious girlfriend. The closest I had gotten was a woman I dated for three months a few years ago. My peculiar behavior started to irritate her, so I graciously ended things so she didn’t have to.
Defne sighed. “I’m not going to talk you out of trying to get something going with her, but it makes me angry that she treated you so badly.”
“I never got to tell her back then, you know, about me.”
“I know. Maybe it’s time.”
I sighed. “Yeah, maybe so.”
“I’ll say it again. I don’t think this woman deserves you, but then again, I don’t think anyone does. But…you’ve been pining for her foryears, brother. I’m not sure if it’s sad or completely romantic.”
“You’re not helping,” I scoffed. “And I’ve not beenpiningall this time.”
“No, you’re right. That’s not the right word. It’syearning,” she said, elongating the last word in a breathless tone.
“You’re almost as bad as Mike,” I grumbled, making her laugh loudly.
“Admit it. Youyearnfor Leyla. Say it with me, Niko.Yearn,” she repeated in a ridiculously low-pitched, breathy voice.
“I’m glad you’re not on speaker. I don’t need to be humiliated twice in one week.”
“What doesthatmean?” I heard her flip-flops slapping on the wood floor.
“Just take my word for it. Never, ever put Siri on speaker. Now, get serious. Are you saying you think I should tell her? I’ve run all the equations in my head, and I can’t come up with one that sounds right.”
“Listen, science boy, this isn’t your lab. This is your life, yourpersonallife. If you’re determined to be a part of Leyla’s life, then, yes, you need to tell her. You deserve a woman who accepts you exactly the way you are,” she said, her tone becoming serious at the end.
“I know, I know. I am God’s masterpiece…”
“And He gave you purpose,” she said simultaneously. It was our family’s ethos.
“Say a little prayer for me?” I asked, knowing I needed to get back to work.
“Always. And listen. If she can’t love you the way you deserve, then let her go once and for all.”
“Thanks, Defne Duck,” I teased.
“Love you, Nerd Head.”
I hung up, put my phone on my desk, and tossed the wrapper in the garbage. My sister’s words about acceptance brought back the uncomfortable conversation with Leyla the other night.
My reaction to Leyla’s words, though they were said in anger, wasn’t malicious. But they hit that tender spot I kept safelytucked away. She just didn’t understand how I moved through the world.
I could just tell her because a boss should understand how I process things, but that would’ve been a lie.
I wanted Leyla Cooper to knowme, all of me. Not Leyla, the CEO. The woman. The only logical explanation I could come up with was that she mattered to me. Her opinion of me mattered more than I ever imagined.
A deep desire to have her see me fully pulled at my heart and threatened to burst from my mouth every time we were at least civil to one another. I had planned to explain it all to her after the college disaster, but she made sure it never happened.
And now that need to be understood came back in full force.
A little while later,Leyla walked into the lab, wearing her white lab coat over a burgundy dress that stopped me in my tracks.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she strolled in, smiling and talking with the lab techs. It was like witnessing a chemical reaction, accelerated by the right catalyst. Somehow, her impossibly green eyes deepened as the color of the dress pulled warmth into her skin and set fire to the gold flecks in her eyes. It was impossible to look away.
“Niko? You ready to get started?” she asked, pulling me from my reverie.
