“Will do, boss. I’m on it.” He walked away toward a few technicians.
“Is everything all right? You seem…different.” I silently prayed she wouldn’t blow up at my prodding. This was bordering on unprofessional, but I was willing to risk humiliation as that protective nature that she invoked from years ago reappeared. I hated seeing her so weighed down with worry.
Her head jerked back, her face pulled tight. “Different? What are you talking about? You think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Yes.”
She scoffed, and those emerald-green eyes sparked to life. I bit back a smile as I watched the transformation. That look of sadness and defeat disappeared as she looked at me, face bright red, ready for battle.Thiswas the Leyla I knew.
“So, you think there’s something wrong with me, do you?” she challenged, the full power of her fiery eyes on me.
“No! Not like that, I promise. You are just different. Not the Leyla I knew in college. I mean…” I babbled, furious with myself for opening my mouth.
“And what do you know about theLeylayou knew in college?” she spat out.
Well, you started this, now you’ve got no choice but to finish it.
“I know that she was fierce, strong, joyful. She filled the room with a brightness that I’d never experienced before.” My voice was higher than usual, trying to convince her of how wonderful she was.
She shook her head and looked away.
“Thank you for the idea. Hopefully that will work.”
“Itwillwork.”
She blew out a laugh through her nose. “Always so confident.”
When she looked up at me again, I answered, “Not in everything.”
The strange tension that sparked between us whenever we were close was one thing I was not confident about. I had no idea whether to ignore it or press her to acknowledge it.
Woefully inadequate in relationships with women, I tended to ignore it. But it was Leyla, and I wanted nothing more than to find out what was going on in her beautiful mind as she stared up at me.
“Oh? The unshakable Nikolas Demir is foundwanting?” she teased, her eyes bouncing between mine.
I was not a man with “game,” as Mike boasted he had. He was always trying to explain his moves to me, most of which were as ridiculous as his attempts at emulating surf culture. Yet the woman I had thought of too many times over the years was standing before me, a mixture of openness and defiance in her eyes.
“Yes, I am definitely found wanting right now,” I said, lowering my voice enough that only she could hear me.
That hadn’t come out the way I intended, and I didn’t even think it made sense. None of my careful preparation of subjects to induce a conversation with this woman seemed to matter.
I wanted her to know that I was just as lost about what to do as she was. It didn’t matter that I was making a fool of myself admitting such a thing.
Leyla swallowed, her eyes still fixed on me. She was asking for an explanation, I surmised, by the way her brows rose.
“Want-wantingwhat?” she whispered.
I fought the urge to wipe the sweat that I felt beading on my forehead and answered the only way I knew how. With the truth. “Bilmiyurom.” Apparently, my disoriented mind made me speak in Turkish. “I mean, I don’t know.”
That seemed to break the connection, as she blinked several times and walked away quickly. I had stupidly missed my chance to open up to her again.
I hate when Siri is right.
Too embarrassed to follow her, I headed to my office, closed the door, and slumped against it.
This was the reason I didn’t interact much with the opposite sex. Science, I understood. It was straightforward, predictable, and safe. Even when there was an unexpected outcome, I knew how to navigate the variables.
But what I was feeling about Leyla threw out all my knowledge, all my education, and all my preparation. It was clear I was in uncharted waters and had no idea how to navigate the waves.
