There was such peace here, but that was about to end now that my best friend was on the hunt for answers. I could tell he wanted to say something by the way he kept looking at me with his signature wide smile and raised eyebrows.
“So, you told her about changing your name, huh?” he asked, waving at a few women as they passed us with wide smiles.
Great. I’d forgotten about the Mayday text I’d sent him last night after my encounter with Leyla.
“Let’s just surf, man.”
“No shot. Your frantic text left out too many details. I only stopped myself from calling because I knew I’d see you this morning.”
“I asked her to evaluate me…”
“Which was dumb, by the way. It’s only been a week.”
Ignoring his interruption, I continued, “And all she had in the way of feedback was to ask why I’d changed my name. Oh, and why I didn’t go to lunch with my co-workers.”
“That’s because you’re a rude hermit,” he teased.
Mike worked in the research department of a medical company that specialized in holistic products, but he never seemed to have the same zeal I did.
I was sure he had no problem socializing withhisco-workers, and a part of me envied his outgoing personality.
We found a spot away from the crowd and kicked our flip-flops off and headed for the waves. “Like I said last night, she wouldn’t have asked about your name if she wasn’t at least a tiny bit curious about you personally,” he continued, nonplussed by my silence.
I scoffed. “The only thing Leyla Cooper is curious about is how to make sure I don’t get a permanent position at her company.”
“Doubt it. Not by the way you said she reacted to your high school story, which I’m still shocked you shared.”
You and me both, my friend.
“It was a moment of weakness.”
His loud laugh barreled out of him, scaring away the seagulls chasing a bag of chips. “Dude, youneverhave a moment of weakness. You plan your entire month in advance, down to the tiniest detail. You lay your clothes out on Sunday for the week. Your pantry isalphabetized, which I have to admit is pretty rad. You don’tdoweakness. You’re always in complete control.”
I looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Mike, you arenota cast member ofPoint Break. This is not the 90s. Please, I beg you. Stop.” It was ironic that he actuallylookedlike he could’ve been in that movie with his shaggy, thick hair and tanned skin.
That only made him laugh harder as we walked into the water. The cold sting of the Pacific on my bare feet stilled my frenzied mind. My wet suit protected me from the frigid water, but I would get in even without it if I had to. There was something powerful about standing before this endless ocean that beckoned to me.
It was always like this when I surfed. Even when the waves didn’t cooperate, just being out here steadied me in ways nothing else did. The water was my sanctuary, a place where I could appreciate God's beauty. I felt so small compared to His creation, yet so much a part of the story He was writing in this world.
Mike looked at me curiously as we paddled out, patiently waiting, as he always did, for me to process. It was a quality I appreciated more than words. I was a deep thinker. Processing took me a long time, especially when it came to personal things like relationships and people.
There were times we’d get together, and he could sense that the world had become too loud, so we would sit or surf without saying a word. He’d never know what that meant to me.
Side-eyeing him, I finally answered his earlier comment. “She makes me nervous. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping for purchase around her, wanting to impress her, wanting her to see me.”
“Still?” His tone wasn’t accusatory, but curious.
I chuckled. Besides my parents, Mike was the only one who knew how much I’d fallen for Leyla back in college. That one word, ‘still’, held a lot of meaning. I rubbed my hand over my chest where my tattoo lived. He tracked my movement but said nothing.
Sighing heavily, I nodded. “Yeah, still.”
“Gonna do something about it this time?” he asked, turning toward an oncoming wave.
I didn’t answer him but instead paddled faster toward the wall of water that soon lifted me up, up, up, and pulled me temporarily away from the concerns of this life.
As I twisted and stood on my board, a wide smile plastered on my face, I whooped in excitement. Being out here was the only place I allowed myself to let go like this. The matching smile on my best friend’s face told me I didn’t need to say anything more.
For now, there would be no more talk about work or the fact that the feelings I’d kept hidden for years were making their way back to the surface. Especially since I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
