His head jerked back like I’d slapped him, surprise written all over his face. He straightened his tie and looked around, stepped into my office, and closed the door. It took him a moment to make eye contact with me again.
“I’m not sure what that has to do with my work evaluation, but if that is something that is bothering you somehow, I’ll address it.”
He spoke so formally that I almost heard a British accent in his voice. But I was glad it was more than a one-word answer.
Do not think about Niko in regency romances or pirate movies. Stop. It. Now,
When I didn’t answer him, mostly because I didn’t trust myself and what else would flow out unbidden, he continued.
“The short answer is, I wanted to fit in.” Niko clasped his hands together in front of him again, discomfort evident in his furrowed brows and tense body language.
Whoa. That was so not what I thought he was going to say.
“I don’t understand. You had a perfect GPA, and people were clamoring to be in your study group. Bugged you all the time to tutor them. I mean, you weren’t the mostsocialguy in school, but still.”
Looking me dead in the eye with a fierceness I hadn’t seen since our class debates, he answered, “That’s not the same thing as having friends, Leyla.” His voice was tense but not harsh.
“I suppose it’s not.” All the fight seemed to bleed out of my stance and voice. “Did you not haveanyfriends? What about that guy Mike from our chem class? You guys seemed to hang out.”
I wanted to smack my mouth shut before he realized how much I paid attention to him back then.
His lips quirked up. “Yes, he and I are still friends, so I guess you’re right.” Then he frowned and let go of his hands. It didn’t escape my notice that they balled into fists at his sides as he continued. “But my experience with making friends, in high school especially, was abysmal at best. I changed my name to Nick to sound less, um,foreign, I guess. Not that it helped much.”
“Is, is that why you try to hide your accent? I-it was stronger when you spoke to your mom that one time when we were together.” What was I saying? Surely, I was having an out-of-body experience.
Shut up, Leyla!
Niko stuck his hands in his pockets, and that slight smile, or maybe it was a smirk, appeared. “Do youlikemy accent?”
He was never a man of many words, except when he was talking science. Always short and to the point. His question was doing something to my poor, dark heart because that sounded like flirting.
Do not flirt with the enemy, soldier. No flirting. No fraternizing with the enemy.
I huffed out a breath, head back in the game. “No. That’s not what I meant,” I answered too quickly.
He chuckled and looked down at his shoes, with his signature nod. “You’re right. It is more pronounced when I’m with family.”
When he looked back at me, gone was the arrogant man I’d witnessed before. There was a vulnerability there, and it touched my heart.
“Like Jaz. She’s from Belize, and when her mom calls, I don’t even think she’s speaking English anymore.” I tried not to smile but failed miserably.
He nodded, his voice serious again. “It wasn’t easy being an outsider. Different culture. Different accent. So, I worked hard to get rid of it all, including my name. Everyone knew me as Niko from childhood, but I changed it to Nick to sound more…”
“American.” The word slipped out in a quiet rush, making my heart squeeze for what he had experienced.
“Yes.”
“Why go back to Niko now?”
He inhaled deeply and paused. “I went back to it after college because I know who I am now. And I won’t change that for anyone ever again.”
Those simple words detonated a bomb inside my heart and mind. My hand reached up and rubbed my neck as the unease of those words slid down my spine.
What would it be like to feel that way again?
“Hey, are you all right?” I heard him ask. Blinking back the sting of tears, I sat up and pulled my guard back up around me again.
“Yes, of course. To, ah, answer your question, without any preparation, I’d say maybe try being friendlier with your team?”
