His eyes scanned mine like he was puzzling out something, his chest rising and falling, his breath heavy.
“I’ll, ah, see you guys in the morning then.” I stepped away in a daze.
“Vicky, you don’t understand,” he said with a tremble in his voice
I stopped walking but didn’t face him. “No, I do. Honestly. I get it. It was silly of me to ask that of you. And it wasn’t fair to either of us since I’m leaving. I shouldn’t have done that,” I said, starting to ramble. “You’re right to not want to be the man I give my first…”
In an instant, Miles was right in front of me, and with a quick motion, I was in his arms as he caught my words with his mouth. I sighed happily as I held onto him.
This kiss, my very first one, was everything I’d ever dreamed of and more. His steady, firm grip around my waist, his strong lips over mine. He literally swept me off my feet when I realized my toes were no longer on the ground as he held me to him. I tasted the saltiness of my tears, probably his as well, as I melted into his arms.
Long before I wanted, the moment was over. He pulled away enough to speak, his voice rough and raw.
“No one gets your first kiss but me, Vicky Lazzara. I was just overwhelmed that you’d given me that honor.”
Swooning. I was swooning right there on that very spot. Luckily, his possessive hold was still in place, or I would’ve face-planted. I collected myself long enough to answer him.
“It was yours, Miles Austin. I believe with everything in me it was always meant to be yours, even if this is goodbye,” I said breathlessly.
This close, I could see the ocean-like waves of green and blue in his eyes. I never wanted to leave. As always, he read my expression. With a quick peck to my lips, he let me down, my feet unfortunately touching the ground again.
“Thank you. I’ll cherish this moment for the rest of my life,” he said, his voice still sounding rough and broken.
Neither of us wanted to leave this moment, but we both knew we had to.
“I’ll walk you out,” he said softly, taking my hand once again. I loved how it fit perfectly when his fingers intertwined with mine.
We walked slowly to my car, neither of us in a hurry.
“Be safe going home. Text me when you get there, or I can follow you this time since I don’t have MJ,” he said. His voice was hopeful as if he wanted me to say yes to him following me home. But I knew it would only delay the inevitable.
“No, I think it’s best if I go alone.”
Those words carried much more than just a simple statement about my drive home. He held my gaze for another moment before starting to release my hand. I clung on until I couldn’t anymore as he slowly stepped back. Just as our fingers were about to let go, I saw the hesitation in his eyes. I felt the same hesitation in my heart. I squeezed his hand, one last attempt coming to mind.
“Do you think we could try? Long distance, I mean,” I said.
He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. “You have no idea how much I want that. I just can’t get in the way. Please understand what this is doing to me, but you are more important. I can’t be the one to hold you back. I just can’t.” The pain in his voice was clear and I knew I had to let this go. Had to lethimgo.
“I understand. I wish. I wish so many things.”
“So do I,” he whispered.
Miles took the last step away, my arm falling to my side, making me feel like I was being torn to pieces. We both knew what was about to be lost.
“We will see you in the morning,” he said, his voice rough like sandpaper.
I nodded, holding back more tears. “Okay. See you then.”
He watched as I got into the car and backed out of his driveway. I could still see him in the rear view mirror standing there when I turned the corner.
As I drove back to the loft, the questions plagued me as I wiped bitter tears.
Was I doing the right thing? Had I just walked away from the love of my life?
twenty
. . .
