“They’re not my family!Youare!” I pause to calm down because I’m getting really angry and frustrated with him.
“I know you don’t want this, but it’s the right thing to do. Brock will take care of you. Give you whatever you need. Make sure you have a good life.”
“Good life? Are you saying this is it? You’re cutting me out of your life?”
“This isn’t a life. I’m just trying to survive.”
“I don’t understand. Are you drinking again? Doing drugs?”
He sighs. “Don’t ask me that.”
“You are, aren’t you? You’re on something right now. That’s why you’re acting like you don’t care. Your emotions are numbed from the drugs. I get it, Dad, but this isn’t you. Just wait until you come down from it. You’ll realize I need to be withyou, not Brock. I’m going to talk to Brock tomorrow and tell him I’m leaving. I don’t care what’s going on with you, Dad. If you’re drunk, high, whatever, I’ll help you. I’ll help you get off that stuff, and I’ll get a job so I can get us an apartment. I’ll—”
“Listen to me,” he says in an urgent tone. “I need you to stop this right now. You’re staying with Brock. You hear me?”
“That doesn’t make sense. Why would I stay here with strangers when I could be with my dad?”
“Kid, I wish I could explain, but I can’t. I shouldn’t have even called, but I knew if I didn’t you’d keep looking for me.”
“Did you try to call me before tonight?”
“I did, but the connection was bad. I was hiding out in the desert.”
“Hiding? From what?”
“Not hiding,” he rushes to say. “Staying. I was staying at a motel in the desert.”
But he meant hiding. He wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it. What is he hidingfrom? Does he owe someone money? Drug dealers?
“Dad, are you in trouble? Is that why you don’t want me staying with you?”
“You gotta let this go, kid. You live in a mansion, go to a fancy school, and can have whatever you want. Why isn’t that enough?”
“I don’t care about that stuff. I want to be with my family. I want to be with you.”
“It’s not going to happen. I’m taking off. Getting out of here. Going someplace where I can lie low. Stay out of trouble.”
Tears stream down my face. “You don’t want me, do you? You never did.”
“Kid, if you knew my past, if you knew what I’ve done, you wouldn’t want to be with me.”
“What do you mean? The drinking? The drugs? I don’t care about that. At least you didn’t kill someone.”
“Kill someone?” he says. “What are you talking about?”
“Brock’s second wife? Falling down the stairs? You really believe that? And what about that girl? Andrea. She fell too. You don’t think it’s a little odd that both Brock and Braden were withwomen who died by falling? The cops think Braden might’ve killed Andrea. What if he did? And what if Brock killed his wife?”
He doesn’t respond, but I hear him breathing hard on the phone.
“Dad, did you hear me? I’m living with two possible killers. I’d take you any day over them.”
“Last call for El Centro,” a voice says in the background.
“What was that?” I say. “Are you at a bus station? Where are you going?”
“Goddammit, kid! Stop looking for me! I’m sorry about your mom but I can’t take her place. You barely even know me. With Brock, you got everything a kid could ask for. Just enjoy it and live your damn life and leave me the hell out of it.”
I’m crying now, feeling like I’ve just lost another parent. Why is he being like this? He’s never talked to me this way. Even when he was drunk, he was never this mean. And he doesn’t sound drunk at all right now.
