"We might be. I don't know what's going on with us. But either way, Dean needs those donations. I don't know what he has for insurance but I'm sure it won't be enough to cover his medical bills. I'll do whatever I can to get people to donate."
That afternoon, I scribble down notes of what I might say tonight. Everything I write down sounds stupid. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this but I really want to help Dean. Despite what's going on with us, I still consider him a friend, and right now, he needs my help.
After school, I'm going in the apartment when my phone rings. My heart races thinking it might be Dean but it's not. I haven't heard from him all day. He's continuing to push me away, and despite what my heart wants, my head is telling me to let him go. Maybe this phone call is a sign to do just that. It's a call from Haverhill.
"Hello?" I answer.
"Hi, is this Brook?" a woman asks.
"Yes. Brook Turner."
"Brook, it's Mrs. Kresly. How have you been?"
I've known Mrs. Kresly forever. She was my kindergarten teacher and I took swimming lessons with her daughter. A few years ago she stopped teaching and took a job in the Haverhill admissions department. She's really nice and one of the people I actually miss from my old school.
"I'm good," I tell her. "How are you?"
"Busy, as always. We've been flooded with admission requests but we just don't have the openings. Everyone's on a wait list, except you, of course. We make exceptions for former students, especially our favorites," she says with a smile in her voice. "We can't wait to have you back at school! Have you decided what day you're starting?"
I'm hit with a surge of panic, my pulse racing as I pace the floor. Am I really doing this? Am I really leaving here and going back to my old school? My old life?
"Brook, are you still there?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I'm here."
"I just need to plug in a date for when you'll be starting. Should I say next week or is that too soon? I wasn't sure about your living arrangements. We could say the following week. Does that work?"
What do I tell her? Should I do it? Should I go? Leave Dean? Leave Eve? Is this really what I want?
Chapter Thirteen
Dean
I'm going crazy in this damn hospital bed. I can't even sleep anymore. I just lie here, thinking about how fucked up my life has become. In less than a week, I lost my brother, my chance at a football scholarship, and Brook, the only girl I've ever loved.
I need to get Jake back but there's not much I can do when I'm stuck in the hospital. I have to trust the police will find him, which I don't. They say they're looking for him but I haven't had any updates for over a day. As soon as I'm out of here, I'll go find him myself.
As for football, I'm out for the season, and any scouts that saw me play before this happened won't want me now that I busted my knee. College is no longer an option. After I graduate I'll have to find a job, probably more than one so I can start saving for Jake's college.
The only part of my life I can fix right now is Brook, but I don't think she'd take me back, not after what I did. I pushed her away one too many times. I haven't heard from her since she left. She's either waiting for me to make the next move or she's given up on me. I almost called her last night but then changed my mind. I didn't know what to tell her. I want to be with her but the way my life is right now I don't know what's ahead for me. I can't make her any promises for a future with me when I don't even know what that future looks like.
Despite all that, I still need to talk to her. I was wrong to push her away. I panicked and did what I always do, but now that I've had time to think about it, I feel like shit for treating her that way. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve another chance with her. But I still love her. I still want her in my life. If she tells me to go to hell, I'll understand. I just hope she doesn't leave. I'll miss her like crazy if she goes back to her old school. It's probably what's best for her but I don't think she'll be happy, and her happiness is all I care about.
It's after seven and I'm wondering if I should call her now or wait. She's probably home right now, unless she did something with Eve. Or maybe she's on a date. Maybe she's already moved on and found someone else. I don't think she'd do that, but the thought keeps popping in my head as I lie here with nothing to do. Being alone with my thoughts is torture. I'm either imagining Jake is in danger or imagining Brook with some other guy.
Danny won't tell me anything about Brook. He said if I want to know about her I have to talk to her myself. I thought she might show up here after school, and when she didn't I felt this emptiness like I've never felt before. I don't want to lose her, but I feel like I already have. I lost the person who means everything to me—all because I let my asshole father control my thoughts. I let him control my life. Even now, I don't think I'm good enough for Brook.
If I truly want her in my life—and if by some miracle she wants me back—I need to fix myself. I need to find a way to let go of the beliefs my dad put in me, telling me I'm worthless and bad, and replace them with the words Brook uses to describe me. Kind. Generous. Loving. A good person. I never in a million years would use those words to describe me, but when Brook did, I almost believed her. Iwantto believe her. And I want her back. I love her so damn much.
My phone dings with the score from the game. The guys are keeping me updated. The game just started and we scored a touchdown. I notice another text, from Danny, sent a few minutes ago. It's a link. When I click it, it takes me to a video. I turn the phone sideways, making the video bigger. It looks like Brook is standing on the football field next to Danny and Coach. What is she doing there?
I play the video and hear Coach talking. I up the volume so I can hear him better.
"Dean has been one of our best players," he says, "and we're all rooting for him to get better."
Holy shit, he's talking about me! What the hell?
"As many of you know," Coach says, "in addition to recovering in the hospital, Dean is also dealing with the stress of not knowing where his brother is. As of today, we still don't have an update on Jacob, but we're all praying he'll be found and safely returned home." Coach pauses. "With everything that's happened, we send Dean our love and support, and hope that he'll be back here soon. Until then, Danny has started a fund to help Dean out with medical expenses. I'll let Danny explain."
