"What do youwantme to tell him? I assume you don't want to go back."
I look down. "I don't know. Maybe."
"I don't understand. I thought you were adamant about staying."
"I'm not sure," I say, looking up at her. "I haven't decided."
Her brows draw together. "What about Dean?"
I shrug. "I have to think about my future. And I'll have a better future if I go back to Haverhill."
She stares at me, not saying anything.
"Why do you look so surprised? This is what you and Dad wanted. It's what you think is best for me. That's what you guys keep telling me."
"Brook, I don't want you making this decision because of us. I know your father is pressuring you and I would have done the same if I didn't think you were happy here. But you are. I can see it on your face and how you act. You're not the girl you were a year ago, or even a few months ago. You smile more. You laugh. You seem more relaxed. I don't know if that's because of Dean or Eve or your other new friends, or if Haverhill just wasn't right for you. I just know that I don't want you going back there unless it's truly what you want."
"Then why do you keep pressuring me to hang out with my old friends? And why are you trying to get me to go back to Chad?"
"Because it's easier," she says with a sigh. "It's easier to have a life where you never have to worry about money. A life where your biggest concern is what dress you're going to wear to a dinner party. I want that, Brook. I'm tired of struggling. I've proved I can support myself and my daughter, but I don't want to keep doing it. It's just not for me."
I'm disappointed she said that, but it's who she is and I have to accept it. I always thought I'd be just like her, but then I felt what it's like to be truly happy and now I'd rather have that than a fancy house and a country club membership. But if Dean's going to shut me out of his life for the rest of the year, I don't know if I can keep going to that school. Seeing him every day, watching him date other girls, will just hurt me and make me miserable. If I'm going to be miserable, I might as well go back to Haverhill and focus on getting into a good college.
"I need to get to sleep," my mom says. "Can we talk more tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Goodnight, Mom."
She goes in her room and shuts the door. I go in my mine and get into bed, feeling confused and sad, part of me wishing I'd never gotten involved with Dean. He showed me what real love feels like and then took it away, making me want something he won't let me have. I never would've known what I was missing if I'd never met Dean.
An hour later I'm still staring at the ceiling, wide awake, thinking about Dean and trying to decide what to do. I can't keep running after Dean, begging him to give us another chance. If he doesn't want to be with me, I need to accept that and move on. I just wish I didn't love him so much. It'd make it a lot easier to walk away.
Closing my eyes, I try to sleep but my mind won't let me. I keep tossing and turning and when I check the clock, I see it's two in the morning. I have to be up for school at six. It's been like this all week. Worrying about Dean and Jake, I haven't been able to sleep. Good thing it's Friday. I can catch up on sleep this weekend.
When my alarm goes off I have to drag myself out of bed after having been asleep for two hours. I check my phone but don't have any messages from Dean. I guess he's telling me we're done. Our fight yesterday was the end. He doesn't want this. I should've known he'd change his mind. I knew he wasn't a relationship type of guy but I thought he'd changed. I thought we had something special, something real, but I guess not.
"You look like shit," Eve says when I see her in the hall.
"Thanks," I say, shrugging my backpack over my shoulder.
She laughs. "I'm kidding, although you do look like you didn't sleep much. Were you up talking to Dean all night?"
"No." I walk faster down the crowded hall. I haven't told Eve what happened because I was hoping it'd be fixed by now. I thought for sure Dean would call me last night and tell me he was sorry and that he still wanted a relationship with me, but he didn't.
"What's wrong?" Eve holds my arm, forcing me to stop.
"I don't want to talk about it," I say as people rush past us, a few bumping me as they go by. "We need to move. We're in the way."
"Did something happen with Dean?" she asks, her eyes bouncing around my face, searching for answers.
"I have to get to class." I walk off as she follows beside me.
"Did you guys break up? And you didn't tell me?"
I stop at the classroom. "I'll tell you at lunch."
"Did you or didn't you break up with Dean?"
"I don't know." I glance at the teacher as he walks into class. "I have to go or I'll be late."
