"What if your dad wasn't an issue? What would you do?"
"I'd..." I pause, imagining it. I can see it in my head. A life with Brook. What it'd look like. How it would feel. "I'd work my ass off to give her a good life. I'd love her and make her mine and do anything and everything to keep her." I blink a few times to get rid of the tears because I'll be damned if I let Danny see them.
"So what you're telling me is that you're giving up the girl you love, the girl you could see spending the rest of your life with, because of your dad. He wins. You lose. The guy beats the shit out of you, takes your brother, nearly kills your mom, and now he gets to take Brook from you too? And you're okay with that?"
"Fuck, no, I'm not okay with it but what am I gonna do? It's just the way it is."
"It's only that way because you tell yourself it is. You're giving him all the control instead of taking it for yourself. You don't have to be like him but for some reason, you're telling yourself you are, and that you can't control it. You want to know what I think?"
"Not really," I mutter. "But I'm sure that won't stop you."
"I think he's beat you down so bad, told you you're worthless for so many years, that you don't think you deserve someone like Brook. You don't think you deserve to be happy. Your dad's convinced you of it."
Tears sting my eyes but I fight them back. I refuse to cry over what he did to me—the words he said that made me feel this way. I don't want to admit he affected me at all because I don't want to give him that kind of power. But fuck, what Danny is saying is true. I do feel worthless. It's all I was told every day of my life until the bastard went to prison. Even years later, I still feel this way and I can't seem to make myself feel differently.
I don't deserve Brook, but I want her. I want her in my life so bad. Before I met her, I never even considered having a girlfriend. And marriage? Kids? No fucking way that was happening. I didn’t even let my mind go there. But Brook tempts me. She tempts me to want more—to want the life I didn’t think I could have, or even wanted.
"I'm gonna go," Danny says, getting up. "At least text her back. She doesn't deserve to be ignored. She didn't do anything wrong. She's been here since you got here and she's been worried sick about Jake, thinking it's her fault he's gone." He walks to the door. "A girl like her isn't coming along again. This is your chance, Dean, to finally have something good. You need to make a decision. I'll see you, man."
He walks out and I'm left feeling weighted down with guilt and sadness and the heaviness of the decision I know I need to make. Brook still wants me, even after how I treated her, but I can't stay with her if I'm going to keep pushing her away.
Danny's right. She doesn't deserve that. I can't do that to her again. I need to commit to being with her. Or let her go.
Chapter Twelve
Brook
It's after ten and I haven't heard from Dean. I thought he might try to call me after I left his room but he didn't. He's pushing me away again. It's what he's done since I met him but I thought things would be different after he told me he wanted a relationship with me. I thought he was committed to making this work, or at least trying, but then today he went back to being the old Dean. The one who acts like he doesn't want me around.
I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I don't want a relationship where I feel unwanted, and like I don't matter. I had that with Chad and I don't want it again. I love Dean, more than I ever loved Chad, but I can't stay with him if he keeps doing this. He chips away at my heart every time he tells me to go away, and it hurts. Things can be so great between Dean and me, and then he goes and ruins it. Every damn time.
I'm heading to my room when I hear the front door open. I return to the living room and see my mom there, setting her purse down, a smile on her face.
"How was your date?" I ask.
"Oh, hi, honey, I didn't think you'd still be up."
"I was studying." I meet her in the kitchen. "So how was your date?"
"Good," she says, that smile still on her face as she gets herself a glass of water. "The club was even nicer than I imagined. And Canton looked so handsome in his tuxedo."
"He wore a tux to dinner?"
"All the men were wearing them." She sips her water. "I felt underdressed. The other women had on designer evening gowns, some of which were absolutely gorgeous. It was such a fun evening. I had a wonderful time."
"So you like this guy?"
"I've always liked him, but tonight I saw a whole different side to him." She lets out a dreamy sigh. "He was charming. Romantic. A true gentleman."
"Are you going out with him again?"
"Tomorrow night. There's a fundraiser at the history museum." She gasps, her hand covering her mouth. "What am I going to wear? I don't have time to buy something."
"And we don't have the money," I point out.
"True, although Canton would be happy to loan me his credit card. Maybe I could slip out at lunch and buy something."
"Mom, you have plenty of dresses. Just wear what you have."
