"What? Dean, no, I'm not going."
"Why wouldn't you?" He looks back at me. "This is what you wanted. You've been talking about it since the beginning of school."
"Back then I DID want to go back there. I don't now. I have friends here. I have YOU. I'm not going back."
"It's a better school. You've told me more than once that leaving your old school meant you wouldn't get into a good college."
"I don't know if that's true. I mean, yes, I have more connections at my old school that would help me get into those colleges but I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. I'm going to college but it doesn't have to be some fancy college on the East Coast. I might want to stay here. Go somewhere in Chicago. There are plenty of good colleges here."
"Why would you stay here when you could go anywhere?"
"Why do you think?" I look at him, but he looks away.
"Don't tell me you're doing this for me. I'm not going to be the reason you don't go to a good school."
"That's not the only reason. I like it here. I'd miss my mom if I left."
"Brook, I'm serious." His eyes go back to mine. "Don't be making decisions based on me, or us. We're in high school. We've been dating for a month."
"It doesn't matter how long it's been. I was with Chad for two years and never felt this way about him. You and I have something not many people have, even after years of dating. I don't even think my parents loved each other the way we do. I'm not saying I'll pick a college just so I can be with you but I'm considering it in my decision."
He shuts his eyes and lets out a breath.
"What?" I say. "Does that mean you're mad at me?"
"It means I'm frustrated." He opens his eyes. "I love you, Brook, but I can't make you any promises. You're the first girl I've ever really dated and I don't know how this is going to turn out. My life's a fucking mess and I've probably lost any chance at a football scholarship now that I'm out for the rest of the season. I don't want you planning your future around some guy who doesn't have one."
"You DO have a future, and you're not just some guy. You're the guy I love."
"Right now. But that'll change. Just a few weeks ago you loved your ex-boyfriend. You can't make life decisions based on who you love in high school."
I sit back, my eyes searching his face. "Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Pushing me away. I thought we were done with this. You pushing me away. Me fighting to get you back. We're a couple now. We can't keep doing this."
"This if your life, Brook. I don't want you making decisions because of me. You need to do what's best for you. What's best for your future. And maybe..." He looks away. "Maybe going back to your old school is what's best."
I stand up, my anger building. "So this is what you want? To push me away so you can go on feeling sorry for yourself?"
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Really? Then what is it, Dean? Because to me it seems like you're determined to be miserable. Something good comes along and you tell yourself you can't have it. Are you just trying to punish yourself? Why won't you let yourself be happy?"
"This isn't about me," his says, his jaw clenched.
"Then who is it about? Because if it's about ME, I can make my own decisions. I don't need you telling me what to do. I've already got my parents for that, and everyone else from my old life who thinks they know what's best for me. And you know what? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people telling me I have to act a certain way and say the right things and smile all the time. That was the old me, and it wasn't real. Now I'm able to be myself, and that's because of you. You showed me I could be myself and still be loved." I take a breath, trying not to cry. "And now you're telling me none of that matters? That I should just go away?"
"That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what is it? What are you saying? That you want me to go back to my old school?"
He doesn't answer.
"Okay, well, I'll let you get some rest." I grab my backpack and leave.
"Brook, wait!"
