"Dean, can we get one?" Jake asks. "I really want a dog."
"No way in hell. You know how much it costs to have a dog? I couldn't even buy the food. I can barely afford food for us." As soon I say it, I regret it. I don't want Brook knowing how much we're struggling. It's none of her business and I don't want her feeling sorry for us.
"Speaking of that," Jake says. "You need to go to the store." He holds up the peanut butter. "This is all we have—"
"Yeah, got it," I say, trying to shut him up. "I'll go later. Now stop eating and get to work. Don't waste Brook's time."
"He's not wasting it," she says. "There's no rush."
"Don't you have stuff to do today?" I ask.
"Not really. I did all my homework and my mom went into the office. I'd rather be here than alone at the apartment."
"That's kind of pathetic," I say in a kidding tone.
"I know, right?" she says with a laugh.
As she walks over to Jake at the table, my eyes lower to her cute little ass in those shorts. I shouldn't look, but I couldn't help it. This is why I didn't want her around me. When she is, it's hard not to look at her, and even harder not to think about her.
"The test is on Wednesday," Jake says to her as she sits down. "I read the stuff we were assigned in class and went over my notes and it still doesn't make sense."
"Then let's get started." Brook slides the laptop over so they can both see.
"I'll be in the bedroom," I say, but they don't hear me.
I go in the room but leave the door open. I sit on the bed, pick up the tablet, and search for jobs. I can't really hear Brook and Jake, except for when Brook gets excited and raises her voice, like now.
"Yes! Jake, you did it! You got it right!"
I love that she reacts like that. Jake doesn't get that kind of reaction from me. I'm not someone who gets excited about shit. I learned early on that letting myself get excited only leads to disappointment. I remember when I was really young, coming home from school to show my dad I got an A on a test. I was so excited. I'd never gotten an A before. I showed him the test and he ripped it up and told me to leave him alone. He was drunk, but still, he didn't have to rip it up. I was going to save it. I didn't even get to show it to my mom.
"Jake, you got it!" Brook says, sounding amazed and proud of him. She just met the kid and she's already rooting for him. She'll make a great mom someday. She'll be kind, loving, supportive—all things my mom wasn't.
When I was fighting with Jake earlier, I stuck up for my mom, making it sound like she had no choice but to leave. It's a lie. She had a choice. She could've stayed. She didn't because she's selfish and wanted a new life with her new boyfriend. That stuff I said about my dad having people go after her if she stayed? I made it up. I didn't want Jake thinking she didn't want him. I'm sure he still thinks that. If she wanted him, she could've taken him with her instead of leaving him with me.
He's better off with me. I'm not great, but at least I'm still here. I'd never abandon Jake like my mom did.
An hour later, Jake comes in the bedroom. "We're done."
"I'll go pay Brook," I say, getting up. "Is she still here?"
"Yeah, but I already paid her."
"You're not using your money. I'll pay for it."
"But I already paid her," he says as I go past him to the living room.
Brook is standing by the couch, checking her phone.
"How'd it go?" I ask.
She looks up from her phone. "Great! He made a ton of progress today. I'm really proud of him."
I smile hearing her say that. It warms my damn heart. That's not supposed to happen. I can't let myself get any closer to this girl, and then she says shit like that. Words that go straight to my heart, making me feel closer to her. Making me want more from her than I can take.
Chapter Seventeen
Dean
