"What the fuck?" I say, folding my arms over my chest.
"I needed help. I knew you wouldn't let her come over if I asked so I called her myself. She's the only person who knows how to teach me stuff. When she explains it, I actually understand. When my teachers try to explain stuff to me, I just get more confused."
I stare at him, trying to figure out if he's lying or being truthful. I don't know why he'd lie about that but he's a kid, and kids lie.
"You should've told me," I say. "If you'd told me how much you needed her help, I would've been okay with it."
"No you wouldn't. Something happened with you two. I don't know what, and I really don't care. I just want to stop feeling like I'm stupid because I can't pass English."
"You're not stupid. Don't even say that."
"Then let me prove it to myself by having her help me."
I take a moment to think about it. Seeing Brook at school during the day is bad enough, but having her come here at night and on weekends? It's going to destroy my resolve to stay away from her.
"I thought you wanted me to go to college," Jake says. "If that's true, then I need help passing this class."
He's pulling out the college card. He's smart.
"I don't have sports to fall back on," he says. "And A's in math aren't good enough. I need all A's if I want a scholarship."
"Since when are you so interested in your grades? You always act like you don't care."
"But YOU do." He walks up to me. "You've always believed in me. Told me I'm smart. I never believed you because if I'm smart, why do I suck so bad at writing and understanding what I read?"
"You're good with numbers. Struggling with English doesn't mean you're not smart. It's just not what you're good at."
"Which is why I need help." He glances at the door. "Just let her help me, okay? I'll even pay with my own money."
"What money?"
"The money I got mowing lawns last summer. I still have some left. I was saving it to buy us a new laptop but I don't have enough. I might as well use it for this."
"You were going to buy us a laptop?" I ask, a smile creeping up my face.
He shrugs. "I was until I found out how much they cost."
I pull him into a hug. "You're a good kid. You know that, right?"
"Not really. All you ever do is yell at me."
I pull away, putting my hands on his shoulders as I look him in the eye. "I don't want to yell at you, and I'm sorry when I do. I just got a lot going on, and a lot I have to worry about."
He looks down. "I know."
"It doesn't mean I don't care about you, or that I think you're a bad kid. I'm just trying to keep you going down the right path. And keep you safe. It's my job to take care of you. You're all I've got in this world, and probably all I'll ever have."
He lifts his head to me and smiles. "You're full of shit. In a few years, you'll probably be married with three kids."
Jacob doesn't know my plan, and I'm not going to tell him. If I did, he'd tell me I'm wrong. He wouldn't understand. If he truly thinks our dad can change and not be the monster who's currently locked behind bars, then he'll never get my decision to not get married or have children. He wasn't there that night. He wasn't a witness in the trial. He didn't see the photos of the other women who testified against our father. Women he beat to the point that their faces weren't even recognizable.
That's the man Jake will never know. The man I will never be.
"Can we let her inside now?" Jacob asks, looking at the door.
"Oh. Shit. Yeah." I race to the door.
When I open it she's not there. Damn. I hope she didn't leave.
