I pose with my hand on my hip and a nervous smile on my face. She snaps it and then they all leave to change clothes, leaving me and Buddy alone for the next thirty minutes. Thirty minutes. It feels as if my entire life has come down to this moment. Twenty-eight years and it has all been reduced to thirty minutes. As if everything that has ever happened in my life has been a minute's time and this is the big finish. The big finale I've always dreamed of.
My heart slams in my chest. It's just me and Buddy in the silence. The calm before the storm. He's laying on the couch beside me and I pet the top of his head.
"Best good boy," I whisper. He looks up at me with his golden brown eyes, as if to say 'it's okay mom' and somehow that panic that was rising in my chest has dissipated.
I open my phone and snap a selfie with Buddy before I remember to put his bandana on him. He sits up tall while I wrap it around his neck and tie it. I take a picture of him with his bandana and send it to Cass.
Cass hearts it immediately and somehow that makes my stomach knot all over again. I look at the time. It's almost time. It'sreallyalmost time. I've got seven minutes.
I remove Buddy's leash from the hook by the door and he's bouncing around the small space in the living room, ready to go.
"Hold on, Bud," I say, laughing at how silly his personality is.
I peek out the door and spot the girls meeting up in a circle two spots down. I know that Cass is nowhere near here, so I walk out and am nearly dragged when Buddy barrels toward the rest of the crew. Somehow, I manage to remain upright and gain control of the leash.
"Whoa, Bud!" I huff, walking a little faster than I planned.
Bristol and Kendra take Buddy from me, and we all pile into three separate vehicles and we still hardly fit. I'm in the car with Mindy, Lucy, and Carrie and Mindy is driving. She parks in the small parking area beside the other vehicles and the rest of the girls head toward our makeshift altar, which is really just us standing in front of a rock.
I can't see it from here, and I can't see Cass, but I know that he's waiting for me. The heater in the car suddenly feels like too much and I need some air. I roll the window down a smidge and the cold air bursts through. It gives me the "shock" I needed to calm down and breathe.
"You okay?" Mindy asks.
I nod with a smile, hoping it's enough to convince her.
"I'm going to go check and see if they're ready for you. Be right back. And Lil?"
"Hmm?"
"You've got this. This is the easy part," she chirps, slamming the door as she walks off.
I sit there in the silence yet again. Cass took care of a few details for me, one of them being the officiant. He wouldn't tell me who he got to officiate the ceremony, but he seemed a little giddy about it, so I try to focus on that thought. Wondering who could be officiating.
And since my dad has long been gone, and I don't have anyone I'm close to, Buddy will be walking me down the aisle. Kendra is waiting for me at the mark where I'll start walking from, which is just around the corner of the cliff that blocks the view of the altar. Mindy pops her head around the corner and waves me on before disappearing from view.
I take a deep breath and climb out of the car. I begin walking toward Kendra and Buddy. As I get closer to her, I notice she's holding a bouquet in her hands.
She reaches her hands out, handing me the stunning bouquet. It's got a plethora of red and white flowers and the stem is wrapped in a silver, glittery ribbon. "Oh, it's perfect!" I say, trying to will the tears in my eyes not to fall and ruin my make up.
Kendra bursts out laughing and begins fanning my face. "Don't cry, don't cry. Mindy will kill me," she says.
"Ready?" she asks, quirking a brow at me.
I nod. "Yep. Ready or not, here I come."
She hands me Buddy's leash and walks off. I wait for the music to start. It's quiet for a beat and then I hear the sound of John Michael Montgomery's 'I Can Love You Like That' playing. That's my cue. I glance down at Buddy. "That's us, Bud. Are youready?" I ask with excitement. If his tail wags any harder, it's going to wag right off his body. I'll take that as a yes.
I start walking and when I make it to the curve and everyone comes into view, the anxiety that was overwhelming has passed and suddenly, everything is right in my world. Nova is standing at the end of the aisle where everyone is seated, snapping photos already. The walk is longer than I realized and Buddy spots Cass when we make it to the aisle between the seats. It takes all my strength to hold him and not get dragged down the aisle.
Cass is laughing quietly to himself and standing there at the center of our altar is Clayton. All of the guys are in their cut offs, Cass included. He's wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, black riding boots, his button up Hounds shirt, and his cut-off.
Clayton is wearing something similar, button up shirt and all beneath his cut-off. When I make it to the altar, Mindy gets up from her seat and snags Buddy's leash from me. She's got him his own seat, an empty space where a chair would be, is reserved just for Bud with a small cushion for him to sit on.
Cass takes my hands in his and I stand across from him. Clayton begins reading from the script he's holding. He begins by thanking everyone for being here and he politely reminds them that he will not be asking for anyone to speak now or forever hold their peace, garnering a laugh from everyone, including me.
The world around us disappears as Clayton reads our vows and we repeat them, sliding rings onto each other's fingers.
"And with that, by the power vested in me by the state of Oklahoma, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Son...You may kiss your bride!"
