She began to pace again, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
‘Did you invite someone over?’ Bex asked, aware of the way her pulse inched ever so slightly. In the last twenty-four hours, her mother and Carrie had inundated her with information on panic attacks, what to do and what not to do. Part of her wanted to suggest that maybe a little space was probably what she needed, but she didn’t. She loved how much they were trying to help her, and some of the tips had been incredibly useful. In particular, the box breath – breathing in, holding, breathing out and holding all for four seconds – and what Carrie referred to as the three, three, three method. Using all your senses to ground you, by finding three things you could see, three things you could feel and so on. That was the one she went for now, though as she reached the sound part, she realised there were voices outside. And not ones she needed to worry about.
‘What are you doing here?’ she said as she opened the door to find Carrie, her mother and Lorna standing there.
‘Thought you might like a bit of moral support,’ Bex’s mother said first.
‘Theythought you might need a bit of moral support,’ Lorna corrected. ‘I brought champagne. You know, to celebrate when all this is over.’
Bex couldn’t help but love the optimism as she took the bottle from Lorna and moved across to the kitchen.
‘How are Ruby and the pups doing?’ Bex asked, placing the bottle in the fridge. She had been torn between staying with Ruby and Lorna at the cottage – there was no chance they were going to move the pups for a good few weeks yet – coming back to the lodge with Duncan, or taking up her room at the White Hart. But as much as she’d have loved to stay with Lorna, space was the key issue, and as for the lodge, it just felt too big a plunge to take. And so Duncan had walked her back to the White Hart with the promise they would talk properly, only when she was feeling up to it.
‘Amazing,’ Lorna answered. ‘Your mum and dad popped over to see them this morning.’
‘Again?’ Bex looked at her mother. ‘You saw them last night.’
‘Well, your father’s convinced we’re going to take one back with us when they’re big enough,’ Bex’s mother replied.
‘Unless you move up here.’ Carrie smirked, casting a look at Bex’s mum. ‘I’ve been telling Lilith about a lovely cottage that’s just come up for rent with a view of the loch.’
A flutter lightened in Bex’s chest. ‘You wouldn’t really move up here, would you?’
‘I’m not sure,’ her mother answered. ‘I guess it depends on how much of our family is up here, doesn’t it?’
There was a definite unspoken question hanging in the air, and from the way Lorna and Carrie were also looking between Duncan and Bex, they were all thinking the same thing. Were they back together properly? Was she going to move up here? She already knew the answers to both those questions, but it wasn’t something she was going to say to them. Not until she discussed it with Duncan fully, all the pros and cons.
‘We should get going,’ Duncan said, breaking the awkward silence that had started to fill the air. ‘Dad messaged. They’re only five minutes away.’
The nerves that had been momentarily lessened by the distraction of Bex’s family arriving had returned with a definite surge.
‘Are you sure you don’t want us to come too?’ her mother tried one last time.
Bex shook her head. ‘No.’ She could feel in her bones that this was the way to go. If it worked, she could finally get Kieron out of their lives. But first, she’d have to see him again, and that thought made her stomach churn. ‘Kieron needs to think he’s just speaking to us. He won’t show his real side if there’s anyone else there. And we need him to really unleash on us.’
She looked at Duncan, who stepped towards her and took her hand.
‘I can do it by myself,’ he suggested. ‘It’ll likely still work.’
‘It wouldn’t be enough. It needs to be both of us.’ She drew in a long breath, using the sweet cedar of his scent to ground her. Somehow it worked better than all the other methods she’d tried. Duncan was her grounding point. Now and always.
Together, they headed out of the lodge, the dogs following behind them.
They were still a little way off the castle drive when Bex stopped and pulled Duncan around to face her. Somehow, waiting until all this was done to tell him her plans didn’t seem enough. She needed to do it now.
‘Duncan, I’m setting up my own accountancy firm.’
‘What?’ His lips parted in shock. ‘In London? You’re going back to London?’
‘No, up here. That’s the plan, anyway. If I can find a place to do it. And if you want me, of course.’
In one sweeping motion, he pulled her up into his arms and lifted her into the air.
‘Always. For the rest of my life a thousand times over.’ As he put her down, he gently brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. ‘No matter what happens this afternoon, nothing could ruin today for me. Not now. Nothing at all.’
She broke away, ready to tell him to hold that thought, only when she looked up, something above her caught her eye. Or rather, two somethings, turning in lazy circles above them.
‘Golden eagles,’ she whispered.
