Bex waited until the front door had clicked shut, with Lorna and the rest of the family safely out of earshot, before she turned towards Duncan. Although even then she wasn’t sure how close she should get. Why was it so difficult? A few months ago, it had been easy; she had wanted to be as close to him as possible at all times. And in some ways that hadn’t changed. It just felt like she shouldn’t. And so she stopped at the edge of the sofa and rested her hands on the arms of the furniture.
‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have messaged you yesterday. Checked in on how you were.’
His lips rose into a smile that didn’t match the lack of light in his eyes. ‘It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you to.’
‘Maybe not, but it was the right thing to do.’ She paused. Kenna was currently weaving around her ankles, and Bex was struck with the desperate urge to pick her up, just to have something to hold. Like that might make it easier. But she knew that picking up Kenna might well be the thing that tipped her over the edge, and so she left the cat where she was, still vying for her attention. ‘And I’m sorry about the other night too.’
Duncan frowned. ‘What are you talking about? You have nothing to be sorry for.’
She shook her head. ‘The way that happened… I hadn’t meant for it all to come out like that.’
‘Yeah, I ain’t gonna lie.’ He chuckled lightly as he tugged at his beard. ‘A heads-up would’ve been nice.’
The words sent a shiver down her spine. That was exactly the way Kieron had phrased it too, though his tone had been entirely different. His had been threatening, icy. Laden with nastiness. But the way Duncan had spoken was nothing but understanding. Warmth. Love.
‘So, what did Kieron actually say to you?’ Duncan asked, interrupting her thoughts.
‘Sorry?’
‘Come on, Bex, I know you. And I know him too. Or at least I’ve seen enough of the guy to know he didnae come to apologise. Not after hammering down Lorna’s door to find you.’
Bex pressed her lips together. ‘Honestly, that’s what it was.’
‘You’re a terrible liar.’ His eyes met hers, and for the first time since she’d left him on the dancefloor at the castle – to see if she was right about his mother – the twinkle had returned to his eye. Her heart clenched. There was nothing she wanted more than to keep it there. To keep him happy.
Only two days before, he had told her he still loved her. Said it clear as day only minutes after learning the potential truth about who he was. And earlier that day he’d said there was no one else for him. That they were perfect together. And he was right. Both times, she hadn’t had the courage to reply. What did it matter that he was right? Perfect. Didn’t mean it was possible. In fact, it only made it harder when it wasn’t.
‘I should go. Your family’s waiting for me.’ She moved to leave, but before she reached the door, he grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him.
‘Do you want to stay?’ he asked. ‘We could hunker down together.’
As her eyes met his, she saw the pleading within them. How many hours had she spent staring into those eyes? So many. And she could do it for a lifetime. But not now.
‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘I can’t. I’m sorry.’ Though she wouldn’t have thought it possible, his face fell further, though he hid it well with a nod. ‘I get it. I do.’
No, you don’t, she thought. You don’t get it at all. You don’t get how much I desperately want to kiss you and hold you and apologise for everything that’s happened. You don’t get how much I want to be with you. But how can I prove it to you? How can I prove it without making you think I just want you because you might be the laird, or worse, that you won’t be enough for me if you’re not? The minute she had seen that photo of his mother, she had realised the truth. She had missed her chance with him, and now she had to live with that.
As if reading her mind – or at least the part of it that wanted to be as close to him as possible – Duncan took another step towards her, until he was only an arm’s length away. The clench around her chest squeezed tighter still.
‘We will find a way through it,’ he said, lifting his hand and brushing his fingers gently along her jaw. It took all Bex’s willpower not to close her eyes at his touch. ‘Whatever it is you’re worried about, we can find a way. If that’s what you want to do?’ She only realised that a tear was trickling down her cheek as he moved his fingers up and gently brushed it away. ‘You say the word and I’m all yours.’
Her heart ached. Throbbed with a searing pain that was making it impossible for her to think, let alone speak. Golden eagles, she thought suddenly. Duncan had told her their first summer that golden eagles mated for life. Two individual lives; completely separate entities with the power and skill to explore the entire world. Yet they only wanted to do so if they had each other. Creatures with the ability to survive and thrive in nature without the need for another soul and yet so desperately wanted one. Just one. Their one. That was how she felt about Duncan. He was her golden eagle. With the sudden need to share this revelation with him, she opened her mouth, yet before she could say a word, a car horn beeped outside.
‘They’re worried about me walking back,’ she said weakly. ‘Carrie insisted on driving me back to the village.’
‘Good. Glad to hear it.’ Duncan smiled. ‘You should go. We can have this talk later. I’m not going anywhere.’
Silently, he walked her to the door, leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek.
Every sensation flooded her body at once. The love. The sorrow. The fear.
‘We’ll speak soon,’ she said, beckoning over Ruby before opening the door and stepping outside.
For a moment she lingered there, desperate to turn around and run back into his arms. But instead, she drew in a deep breath and wiped her cheeks. She moved to the car, expecting Ruby to follow. Only the dog stayed exactly where she was. Her eyes locked in the distance as a low guttural growl rolled from her throat. Confused at what would cause such a reaction, Bex followed the dog’s line of sight, expecting to see a fox, or perhaps a dangerously large stag. Instead, a figure stood a little way off in the distance, watching them. A shudder rippled through her.
Kieron.
13
