I don't know what's happening, but some of the fear dissolves as I realize he's not forcing me to fuck him, at least. Still, my bodystays rigid under the covers long after he lets my legs go and settles into the pillow behind me.
I'm smart enough to know when I'm bested, but I'm also stubborn enough to stay here awake until this asshole is sleeping. I wouldn’t get far if I ran, but that doesn’t mean I have to do everything he says. The very minute he is sleeping soundly, I'm going to the couch, even if I don't have a blanket. I won't stay here with him if I can help it.
The room grows quiet, and for a long time I think he may be slowly drifting toward sleep, but every time he moves, I feel my body tense again. When his hand starts strumming my belly outside of my shirt, I know I'm in for a long wait. And then he starts talking.
"You know… This man who is evading me—the one I have to kill…" Vadim talks to me like I'm his confidant, a secret keeper or someone who actually cares what his life is like. I'm forced to listen to him because I have nowhere to go, but I'd rather he just shut up and sleep.
"This man is so wicked, Danica. Dominic was just twenty-two years old. He was smart and funny, and he had his whole life ahead of him." Vadim's thumb rubs my belly harder as his arm tightens around me. I get the feeling this is personal to him. "It was only a few days before his wedding, and he was so excited to marry the woman he'd been betrothed to for more than ten years….
"Can you imagine? A relationship so long that it was meant to be, and he was just snatched away from this earth." Now his tone is melancholy. "If it were my own son… That's the only way this would be worse than what it is right now. This isn't a job. It's my family, can't you see that? I have to give my cousin justice."
I feel some of the fraying nerves in my chest unwind a little, but I can't say I agree with him. It sounds like an awful thing to happen, but the police should be investigating. No person should take it upon themselves to become a vigilante and gun down another human, no matter what the crime is. I feel for him, but what he's doing is wrong.
"What I'm saying is… Thank you for helping me." He's quiet for a second before his body relaxes more.
And God, why did he have to go and thank me? Can't I just be allowed to hate him and imagine that he's the monster in this scenario? His story humanizes him. I know if someone came after my brother, even though my brother left me in dire straits, I'd still want justice.
It makes me sympathize with him, which I hate, but I can't hate him at the same time. Vadim just wants to feel that pain in his chest lighten, the same way I do.
"I'm sorry," I mumble reluctantly. He's allowing himself to be human with me, so I try too. "For snapping at you. I guess I thought we had more time, and this morning, learning we were to be married right away was a shock." This man just asked me to do a job, which he will pay me for—whatever that means. It's just for a month or so, and then I walk away.
I'm going to make it far more miserable for us both if I can't settle down. And I don't want to live in this hyper-vigilant, angry state for the entire month.
"So, why did you show up this morning?" he asks me softly, and I can't stop myself from scoffing and retorting in anger.
"I didn’t have a fucking choice," I snarl, but I feel guilty instant and I relax. "You threatened me, remember?" Sighing, I wigglea little, and I'm surprised to feel him give me space to move instead of pinning me down harder again.
"You could've run right to the police, but you didn't." Vadim's hand returns to strumming my belly, and I don’t mind it, actually. It's calming.
I thought that myself, but the fear was too great.
And I thought about Dusan’s debt hanging over my head too.
My brother left me with such a mess. His creditors keep coming around with threats and I can't pay them. Maybe whatever money Vadim throws at me for torturing me like this could help.
"I could've, but you said something about money…" I chew my lip nervously and wait for the inevitable.
"You need the money… That house is?—"
"It's not the house," I interrupt, then keep going before he can reply. "My brother had some big debt with a local drug dealer." My head hurts just thinking about it. "They're hounding me, and I thought maybe your money would help."
I expect Vadim to stew over it, or maybe to just fall asleep. Men like him have no conscience. He's already proven that to me. But he surprises me when he says, "Tell me who you owe and how much. I'll take care of it for you."
The comment is so shocking, I don't have a response.
In fact, I can't think of another thing to say to him at all. I lie there in the dark long enough that his breathing evens out and his chest presses against my back rhythmically, and I decide it's warm here, and I don’t want to get up and move.
Vadim has offered to clear my brother’s debt for me, for no other reason than that I was forced to help him. It feels like a small concession, but it also feels like a gift.
After the fury I've felt all day, I'm finally starting to calm down—in this man's arms, of all places. I wouldn't say I'm happy or that I feel comfortable with him, but I am not currently feeling like hurting him anymore.
So I guess that's a start.
9
VADIM
My watch buzzes and pulls me out of sleep sometime before midnight. I open my eyes slowly and realize I'm still curled around Danica with my arm wrapped tightly around her waist. She's snoring softly and the sound is surprisingly pleasant. I figured she'd run out of here the moment I fell asleep. It's nice to know she didn't feel the need to take off.
