“Oh, it’s not that bad. It’s way faster than being stuck in a car for a long drive.” He swung his legs, chatting on. “I threw up the first time I flew.”
“Misha,” Alexsei warned with a groan. He sat across from Misha and diagonal from me, still giving me space but close enough to watch over us both.
“Well, the first flight I remember,” Misha said. “I ate this big ice cream sundae before getting on and then I got queasy and puked on this old lady in front of us. I feltsobad.” He shrugged. “But she wasn’t that mad. It only got on her chair and not on her. Remember when Andre flew with us to that party and he wouldn’t stop crying?”
Alexsei almost smiled. “Nonstop.”
“Now my favorite flight was when we went to the villa on the beach. We got to see the sunset through the windows.”
On and on, he prattled. He talked to his father, not necessarilytome. Much like the chatty maid this morning, I was just an audience in the background. This boy seemed convinced that his idea of it being too quiet was a bad thing. And honestly, as we lifted into the sky and flew through the air, it worked.
He distracted me, talking about previous travels and flights with his father. It wasn’t a trick or a ploy. He wasn’t trying to distractme so something worse could get to me. He was just talking. Filling the void of silence. And so long as I locked onto what he said, just hearing his young voice, I could breathe easier. I could loosen my grip on the armrests.
When I dared to look out the window, that was when I felt the magic of the experience. To be in the air. Floating in the sky, untethered to the ground. I’d always admired the birds I could see out the windows. Those animals I envied for their freedom to take off and just soar.
Now I was.
Am I?
Am I flying free?
It didn’t feel like it, not when I was trapped in this shell over my mind. When I couldn’t shake off the fear that Yusef and Erik—or my husband—would come to take me back.
Nothing made sense, but with Misha talking happily and Alexsei replying here and there, I thawed at their easy companionship. I was a spectator, not a participant, but even that helped to thaw me out a little.
It wasn’t enough to push me to trust them. Not fully.
But I wanted to dream a little harder that this could be the first step toward that peace and happiness I so badly wanted to believe I deserved.
11
ALEXSEI
Imade sure to time our flight so that we would arrive at the large cabin—more like a chalet—in the daytime. It wasn’t a long journey to reach the upstate area, anyway. Common sense told me that she would be more scared to be flown somewhere and arrive in the darkness, when she wouldn’t be able to see with her own eyes that she was in a peaceful setting.
I was trying to take every reasonable step to make her feel comfortable that I could.
What I wasn’t prepared for was her masked reaction when we got there.
She was still quiet. That didn’t change.
Still not speaking.
Still slow to react or give nonverbal communication.
The soundtrack of my son’s voice as he amicably chatted on and on about nothing specific during the flight had done wonders, though. It was too soon to claim that Kalina wascalmafter herfear of flying for the first time, but she was visibly steady while Misha chatted away.
We arrived at the cabin, and I couldn’t help but admire the change in her eyes. The shift on her face. It seemed like she had never been out in the open like this before, a wholly new experience for her to stand still with her cautious gaze slowly roving over the snowy landscape. Her expression, though guarded and muted, hinted at something like raw awe. Marvel. Incredulity.
While Misha and I got our things out of the SUV I’d rented to get us here, she stood there and just took it all in. Like that was a blessing and reward in itself.
No buildings blocked her view for as far as the eye could see. No traffic bustling nearby and making noise. Newly fallen snow blanketed the ground, easily giving the impression that we were stepping out in a brand-new blank canvas. The quiet of nature was soothing, perhaps even for her.
I was proud to be able to present her with a break from whatever setting she’d been stuck in. For however long she’d been trapped with her brother and his sadistic friend.
Inside the cabin, I gave her a tour of it all so she would be informed of what was where and what was possible here. Like a list of resources. Or for her to make a mental map. Whatever would help her know she had free rein in here. Some of that nervousness came back to her eyes, but with Misha also adding his bits of a rundown about this place we’d vacationed in before, she didn’t flinch or have hitched breaths of panic.
I pointed out the bathroom and kitchen. All the guest rooms. The lounge. Letting her have a setup seemed like a commoncourtesy. Anytime anyone took a guest somewhere, the first step was a preliminary welcome for a stranger so they could be familiar and comfortable in a different place.
