“That wasfast,” I admitted with a smile.
She leaned against me, pressing her face against my chest. I felt the rise of her cheek as she smiled too. “It was too fast! Ijusthad a baby. Nicky’s only three months old!”
“It only takes once…”
Sitting up more, she looked at me with that anxiety again. “I know. But Alexsei…” She blew out a deep breath. “I’m scared. I’m worried. And my God. It’s just so soon!”
I smoothed her hair back from her face and cupped her cheek. “You have nothing to be scared about.”
“I know that.” She lowered her gaze and licked her lips, getting more serious. “I know that now. I mean, sure, I didn’t realize I was actually having contractions and yeah, I had the fastest delivery ever. I’m not scared about what it’s like to be pregnant and to have a baby—without a freaking epidural!” She pointed at me as if that had to be a point to address. “But I still don’t have a clue how to do this. Look at how exhausted we are. He never sleeps.”
I smiled, loving her for the bravery of speaking her mind so freely.
“We’re so tired and worn out fromonebaby. I feel like I know nothing about being a mother.”
“I feel like I know nothing about being a father all over again,” I admitted.
“But you managed to get Misha out of the baby years fine.”
“With help,” I admitted. “And all that help will still be with us now if we want it. We could move back into the mansion for a while. We could let Allan come over and help us find more staffif we want. We can figure it out.” I kissed her, so happy for this news despite how much harder it might be in the short term.
“This baby is a blessing,” she said. “But Ijusthad one!” The incredulous tone had me smiling wider.
“It’s too soon,” she said with a wince.
“It is soon. But I promise we can do this.”
She nodded, hugging me again. After a long moment of just holding each other and catching our breath from the excitement, she pulled back to face me. “I’m so happy to have another baby,” she said softly. “Please don’t think that I’m not.”
I kissed her. I knew her too well to ever doubt that.
“But it’s just so much, so soon.”
“It is.”
“And I wish I could balance other things I want too.”
“Tell me how I can help. I know you don’t want a nanny, but if that would make this more manageable for a little while…”
She smiled. “I think we already found one.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “He’s in the nursery now.”
I furrowed my brow.
“Misha got him to sleep. He read to him.”
My heart couldn’t swell any bigger with love. My sweet son. Both of them. Misha was such a helpful big brother. “He’s going to be so excited about this news.”
She kissed me, clearly agreeing with that sentiment.
“But it is still so much.”
“What can I help with?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I just don’t want other things in my life to be dismissed as I become a mother again, sooner than I realized I might.” She let out a light laugh. “Maybe I’m naïve, but I really thought it’d take me a while to get pregnant again, with breastfeeding and how that’s supposed to prevent cycles. And I don’t know, everything taking time to get back to normal and all.”
“You felt entirely ‘normal’ to me on our honeymoon,” I teased before I kissed her deeply.
Within a moment, sleep was even further from my mind as we kissed more. And more. When she moaned with need, clinging to me and rubbing against me, I wondered if I needed to get up and lock the door.
