“But I also understand that it’s not a weakness to let Emil take care of the uglier things for me.” Sadie faced me again. “When my former coworkers from the bureau came up to me to hurt me, I was more than glad to let Emil take over killing them. I didn’t want to dwell on what was, but rather what will come.”
“I like that perspective,” I admitted. “But it’s different. They held me and manipulated me and isolated me and abused me. For fourteen years. That’s more than half of my life that I lost. It is personal, and as much as it might make me a horrible person to say it, I need to see the justice of their being dead, by my hand, to fully close that chapter of my personal hell.”
Gabriella nodded once. “Then go on and get them. After that, you can turn the page to this new chapter here with us.”
“Just don’t be rash,” Sadie warned.
“You can’t be reckless,” Raisa added.
I smiled, so pleased and relieved that they wouldn’t judge me for wanting to be a part of this ending.Theirending. I grew more and more excited that closure might be within my reach.
As Alexsei and I prepared to leave with the task force, we both stopped to say goodbye to Misha. He was hanging back at the mansion with Lev and Andre, but he came up to hug us both.
I could tell he was nervous for his father. Even though no one would tell the children precisely where we were going or what was going to happen, Misha knew. I was sure Lev did too. These boys were young, but they weren’t slow. Observant and awarethat bad people had to be handled with equal measures of force, they had to guess what this “job” was.
“We will be back before dinner,” I told Misha as he hugged Alexsei again.
It didn’t feel like we were going off to war. It was impossible to when the sheer number of Dubinin spies and soldiers would be accompanying us. The Riveras wouldn’t be able to survive.
“But why are you going too?” he asked, moving over to hug me next.
I held him close to me and savored the sweet affection he showed me. It wasn’t only Alexsei that he worried about. He was nervous for me, too.
“I won’t be gone for long,” I promised him. And I believed that. I trusted Alexsei and this team. “We’ll be safe.”
He hugged me tighter. “Daddy will always keep you safe.”
I sighed, treasuring this moment. He would still say that after what happened at the cabin, which was hard for him, too. “I know. He sure will,” I said, watching Alexsei and hoping he could see the truth in my eyes.
“We will all be safe,” Alexsei told him.
Misha nodded, not letting go of me yet.
The boy had to feel like this every time Alexsei had to do something dangerous. We’d already started to talk about reducing his duties. When we house hunted, he mentioned semi-retiring, almost like Emil and Ivan had with their roles within the organization.
Kneeling down, I prompted Misha to release me from his hug. I got down to my knees to cup his face and smile at him. “I love you, Misha. And we will be back for dinner soon.”
A huge smile crossed his face. He beamed at what I’d told him. It was the first time I’d told him that, and I enjoyed the happy surprise. Before I could be ready for another hug, he launched himself at me and wrapped his arms around me tighter while still not bumping my belly.
“I love you too, Kalina,” he said.
Tears collected in my eyes as I held him tightly. I already was so fiercely protective of him, and I was glad that he had mutual love for me. He was just as protective of me, trying to save my life at the cabin.
“Will you be my mommy?” he asked as he stepped back.
I glanced at Alexsei and smiled.
While we were busy planning many things, namely how we’d live together and have this baby, we hadn’t actually gotten to the topic of marriage. I’d assumed he might be interested. And that was an understatement. Mostly, I had harbored a negative attitude about marriage. All those years I was with my brother, he'd twisted my mind to view marriage as a death sentence. I wouldn’t have chosen to marry. He would have sold me like a novelty.
But if I couldchooseto marry or not…
Alexsei raised his brows with a sly grin. As if to indicate he wanted an answer from me for Misha’s question.
“Can you be my mommy?” Misha asked again.
I already felt like I was. That he and I had entered a bond that nothing could break.
I glanced again at his father who was patiently watching me. With an open expression of hope and intrigue, he was giving me the power to answer it. Not him. It wouldn’t be his call, but mine.
