He turned to face her.“You wouldn’t be looking at me that way if you knew the truth, and for the first time in my life, I feel regret.Not remorse.That’s something I could never feel.But regret, because I’m not a man who could ever have you.”
“Then tell me and leave the decision where it belongs.With me.”She was breathing hard from the kiss, but she was still calm.How this woman hadn’t snapped on him yet, he didn’t know.She had patience in spades.“I know you have trauma, Jude.Trust me enough to take some of it.”
His own breaths were heaving in and out, and the weight of his decisions, past and present, made his legs buckle.He went to his knees where he had stood.Silence ballooned inside the space, making the air thick with tension.“I told you about my parents and little brother.”His voice was a hoarse whisper, but he couldn’t seem to increase his volume with his throat so tight.“How they were murdered in our home.”She started to take a step forward, but he raised a hand, stopping her.
“Twelve years into their killers’ life sentence, I received word from my commander that the two men had escaped prison.I took an immediate leave.”He clenched his fists.The rage of that moment still had the power to blur his vision in a haze of red.“I tracked them down, but I didn’t turn them in, Ivy.”He looked at her with desperation, willing her to understand that he’d had a choice.“I took them to a remote location.I made them suffer for every millisecond of pain and fear my little brother and parents experienced, tenfold.I kept them alive for days, tortured them, and fell asleep like a fucking baby with their screams still echoing in my ears.I don’t carry a single ounce of guilt for what I did to those pieces of shit.They died knowing their biggest mistake that night was not finding and killing me, too.”He forced himself to look up at her.To take the full force of her fear and disgust.
She met his gaze, but her expression was indiscernible as she wordlessly stepped toward him.Jude was speechless when she went to her knees in front of him and framed his face with her precious hands.She pressed a kiss to his forehead.Then his cheeks.Each touch of her lips was slow and measured.Her way of telling him that she understood exactly who she was with.That her eyes were wide open and she wanted him anyway.
Pain lodged in his throat, and he wasn’t embarrassed in the least when tears burned behind his lids and escaped down his face.Ivy caught each one, brushing them away with her lips.He tasted the salt of them when she licked the seam of his lips.When she kissed him, he found peace in her lack of hesitation.Acceptance in each inch of skin she bared as she slowly stripped off her shirt and bra.She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and he was desperate to run his hands over her soft stomach and full breasts, but he didn’t dare move.He was breathless with her trust as she slid the jeans she was wearing over her hips and let them drop around her knees.She continued until she was completely bare.He was still fully dressed when she kissed him again.She’d purposefully made herself vulnerable, trying to give him back a sense of equilibrium.
Ivy was a gift he wasn’t going to take for granted.His chest squeezed, and he knew he’d done what he swore he never would.He’d fallen in love.
Chapter Seventeen
Ivy poured herheart, her strength into the kiss.This strong man, burdened by grief so huge that it had shackled him for most his life, still had the drive and compassion to help others.He deserved love more than anyone she’d ever met.He thought himself a monster for killing the men who’d taken the lives of his mother, father, and little brother.She wasn’t about to condemn him for his actions.Anyone who could create such fear and terror for others, in her opinion, didn’t deserve the air they breathed.Words weren’t going to convince Jude that she didn’t fear him, that the depths of her feelings for him were pure and true.
His hands roved her bare skin as they kneeled on the floor of the living room.She pushed him back gently, framing his hips with her inner thighs.Each tear she tasted was a gift.A symbol of his emotional submission.He’d trusted her with information that could lock him away for the remainder of his life.If he could do that, she had hope that he could trust her with his heart, his devastation, as well.She didn’t have any illusions that she could heal or change him, but she could give him the love and support he needed.She could give him a family with her, Ash, and Jess.Of that, she was sure.Taking her time, she unbuttoned his shirt and parted it over his shoulders.He rose on his forearms, allowing her to slide the material over his arms one side at a time.She moved down his body, taking her time to touch and taste.Ivy unbuttoned his jeans, sliding them over his engorged length.
She held the base of his erection, slowly rubbing the tip between her wet folds.
“Ivy.”He spoke her name reverently as he massaged her breasts, tugging and tweaking as she lined him up at her entrance.“Condom,” he groaned.“I don’t have a condom.”
“I’m on birth control, and I’m clean.Just me and you, Jude.No barriers between us.”
“It’s been years for me, baby.”
She took him inside her, slowly sinking down until he filled her completely.Her inner walls stretched around his girth, gripping him tightly.“Look at me,” she whispered and his pale eyes, foggy with desire, locked on to hers.She held her palms out facing him and he laced his fingers with hers.They moved together, letting the pleasure build to gasps and sighs, their gazes never wavering.He held on to her hands like she was his last thread of sanity.
“I love you,” he gasped as their lovemaking became frantic.Her heart pounded, the space inside her chest filling with his words just as he filled her body.The pressure built and coiled between her hips, then snapped.The muscles in Jude’s throat clenched and he tipped his head back, her name on his lips, and he emptied inside her.
They lay together for several minutes, each catching their breath before Jude stood, taking her with him.He cradled her in his arms, carried her down the hall, then into the bedroom.The kitten was curled up on one of the pillows and Jude laughed at the sight, making her heart warm.He placed her down on the side of the bed, then turned and walked to the bathroom.She heard the faucet turn on, and he came back a moment later carrying a washcloth.He used the warm, damp cloth to clean her before tossing it into a hamper in the closet.Pulling down the covers on one side of the bed, he tucked her in, slipping beneath the comforter with her and pulling her into his body.
“I meant the words.I love you, Ivy.I know it’s ridiculously fast, but I know what’s in my heart.In a matter of days, you’ve made me feel things I never have before.Your presence gives me peace.Each time I look at you, I can see my future.Something I never took the time to examine before.”
“I love you, too, and I promise to fight for us when you’re not able to see past your job or your grief.Trust me to be strong for us.”
“I do, Ivy,” he murmured into her hair.“I already do.”
With his words echoing in her heart, she closed her eyes, and together they drifted off.
Ivy woke to something soft against her cheek.She opened her eyes to find Milo curled up in a ball on the pillow next to her.Sitting up, she slowly looked around, not seeing Jude anywhere.She drew in a deep breath and smiled when the rich scent of coffee filled her lungs.She tossed off the covers, throwing her legs over the side of the bed.The wooden floor was cool beneath her bare feet.She used to the bathroom and took a fast shower before heading down the hallway to the kitchen.Jude was standing at the stove in a T-shirt and jeans, flipping omelets.
“I thought you said you couldn’t cook.Were you holding out on me?”She smiled and skirted around the island.He turned to greet her, and some of the uncertainty that made her chest tight loosened when she noticed his wide smile.Placing her hands on his chest, she leaned in and met his lips in a quick kiss.
“I can usually manage breakfast.There’s about a fifty percent chance that I’ll burn everything.”He kissed the top of her head and used the spatula to move the omelet around the pan.
“Sounds a bit better than my success rate.”She grinned.
“Why don’t you sit at the table, baby?I’ll bring you a coffee.”
“Are you sure you don’t need help?”
“From someone with less than a fifty percent success rate with breakfast?”He laughed.“But, yes.I’m sure,” Jude said smiling as he poured her a large mug of coffee.He leaned down and kissed the top of her head again when he placed it on the table.It was such a tender gesture that she’d never tire of.Jude returned to the stove and shut off the burners, then plated the omelets and brought the dishes over to the table.
“Thank you.”She smiled at him over the rim of her mug.Soft steps tapped down the hall, and she glanced up to see Milo prancing along like a dog.He meowed and jumped up onto Jude’s lap.From there the kitten hopped onto the kitchen table, settling right beside his plate.Jude laughed and cut a small piece of egg, holding it up.The kitten sniffed it tentatively then scarfed it down.
Ivy chuckled.“I guess that answers our question about him being able to eat solid food.”
