“We totally are!” she said defensively. “Better than ever. But we both enjoy our alone time. We miss each other, obviously, but we do well when we’re apart. We would get on each others’ nerves if we were stuck together in a cramped tour bus or semen-riddled hotel room twenty-four seven.”
“Ah.”
“Also, she gets weirdly jealous. The first time Milo smacks my ass, she would flip out.”
“He smacks all of our asses. It’s not sexual.”
“Dana wouldn’t care.” Violet waved it off. “Doesn’t matter. It’s a bad idea. Appreciate you suggesting it, though.” She kicked me under the table.
“Ow! You got me right on the shin!”
“Sorry. Physical violence is my love language. You gonna eat that piece of bacon?” She snatched it off my plate without waiting for an answer. “Another reason Dana shouldn’t come: I’d have toactuallybe vegan the whole time.”
I laughed at that, then thought about my relationship with Roxie—such that it was. Despite us being around each otheralmost every minute of the day, she hadn’t gotten on my nerves at all. And based on comments they’d made, I knew Milo and Riot felt the same way.
Maybe that was because this was still new and exciting. Or perhaps we had some deeper compatibility that would last beyond this tour. Something more long-term.
But that only brought me to the subject I’d been avoiding in my mind: the tour ending.
What would happen when we played our last show in Miami? Did I want something more with this woman we’d randomly seen in the front row of a show? Did Milo and Riot?
And most importantly: what did Roxie want?
I had no idea about any of it. I couldn’t figure out my own wants and needs, let alone hers. It was all a big unknown.
I was a planner. I scheduled my life days, weeks, and months ahead of time. That organization is what made me the right person to handle all of the band logistics. It’s what kept my life calm even when there was so much chaos around us, both onandoff the stage.
But for the first time in my life, the future was unknown. I had no idea what was going to happen.
And that terrified me.
44
Roxie
I felt like my entire world had been changed.
When it came to butt stuff, I—and all the women I knew—had always been skeptical. It was somethingmenenjoyed, but that women had to tolerate. A one-sided sexual act that wouldn’t be fun at all.
It turned out that wasn’t the caseat all.
I was shocked by how much I enjoyed it. Sure, it was uncomfortable at first. There was a little stretching and some pain. But once I relaxed and got into it? Holy moly, it wasincredible. Intense and stimulating in such a unique way.
I could understand why some women said it wasn’t for everyone. That certainly seemed true. But it was definitely for me. Already, I couldn’t wait to do it again.
But only after some time had passed, because I wassore.
“I know that look,” Violet said to me on the bus the next morning while the guys went to get coffee. “Hurting a little bit?”
“Yes,” I winced. “Kind of reminds me of the soreness I felt when I lost my virginity. Myactualvirginity, I mean.”
“It gets better,” she promised me. “A lot of women I know never get past that first attempt. I’m glad you did!”
I sat next to her on the couch. “Did you have anything to do with it? Because it feels like an awfully big coincidence that you mentioned trying the back door just the other day, and then suddenly Milo is suggesting it during sex.”
Violet shrugged her shoulders dramatically. “Who could possibly know the answer to that question?”
The two of us giggled as the bus door opened and the men returned with the coffee.
