Hayden exhales slowly. “Yeah, she’s good at that, isn’t she? Who wouldn’t love a feminist icon who saves broken girls? Who stays at a university job even though she’d make more speaking and writing full-time. It’s really charming for a while. Until you realize the university is her farm, that she’s feeding on all of us. Even the ones she doesn’t work closely with. Trust me, if someone dug deep enough, I guarantee there are dozens of women with similar stories. If not more.”
I clasp my hands together on the table, kneading my thumb into my palm. “So, you’ll help me, then? Maybe we could even track down a few more girls. If more than one of us come forward at once, it’ll be harder for people to ignore.”
Hayden leans back against her chair, her face going still. “Sorry, no.”
“But—”
“I’m not interested in returning fire. War isn’t my thing.”
That stings. “Sometimes wars are justified. If that’s what it takes.”
She shrugs. “Maybe. Look, you’re hurting. And that’s valid. But Ralston isn’tjustthe problem. She’s the symptom. You take her down, and the machine still runs. Same gears. Same gatekeepers. They’ll just find someone else to carry the torch.”
“Someone like you, maybe,” I say gently. “Someone who actually cares about the cause.”
Her lips press together. “Maybe Ralston cared too, at one point. Power corrupts. I’m not interested in replacing her. People can do more good on the ground than on top of the mountain.”
“So what, then? We just let her get away with it? Move on and forget it happened?”
“Ralston didn’t change my path, even if she hurt me. We don’t give up. Webuild.We organize. We make systems that don’t require martyrs or icons or villains. That’s how you make it stop. You tear down her mountain, piece by piece. Not to hurt her, but to fix the cancer that allowed her.”
I sit with that. It’s not the answer I came for, but it’s not wrong either.
“Can’t we do both? Take her down and then work on the root?” Like a cavity.
She doesn’t seem convinced. “People believe Ralston. Trying to hurt her will just hurt you worse.”
“So, what’s the solution, then?”
“You stop caring. And you move on. And then you get to work.”
I shake my head, tucking my trembling hands into my lap. “That’s impossible.”
“No, it’s necessary,” she says. “I had to choose. Stay in the cycle, screaming at locked doors…or go build something better. Smaller, but better. I’m making differences in people’s lives every day. Maybe one person, maybe ten. It’s enough for me.”
“How can that be enough? How do you justmove on?” I’m not doubting, I’m begging. For answers. For instructions.
“I’m a tech nerd who gets to spend half my days building websites for non-profits who make real differences and the other half volunteering for those same non-profits. I never wanted much else, even if I took a different path to get here. I’m happy.” She takes another sip of her water, tilting her head as she swallows. Her eyes dance over my features, studying me. I assume my face isn’t hiding my fury. “You don’t think you can be happy without hurting her back?”
“I don’t know. She just keeps winning,” I say softly. “Keeps hurting the next generation. How can I live with that?”
“I’m not saying don’t speak out,” Hayden says. “But ask yourself who you’re doing it for. If it’s truly for the next generation, that’s one thing. But if it’s about getting even with Ralston for how she hurt you…” She watches my face, as if deciding how to finish her statement. “That’s a harder road. And it won’t fill the hole she hollowed out.”
I don’t know what to say. It would be a lie to say revenge isn’t driving me, but it’s not the only thing. It goes so far beyond that.
After a long silence, Hayden leans forward, hands clasped loosely. “Look, I don’t want to relive those years. I’ve moved on, and I’m happy now. But if you’re determined to do it, just know Ralston isn’t the only one you’ll be facing. She might shinethe brightest, but the shadows are filled with enemies too, you know?”
I narrow my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m just saying, it’s not only Ralston. There are others—people who talk the talk, say all the right things, repost the right posts. They might be ideal in every way, but they won’t hesitate to cut you down the second it benefits them. Some of them are probably cheering you on right now. Some are your friends. It’s like I said, Ralston is a symptom. And she’s not the only one. If you take anything from her, take that. The one lesson she can’t teach in a classroom.”
“Who do you mean? People at Havenport?”
“Maybe. Probably.” Hayden’s eyes lock with mine. “That’s not the point. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t get too comfortable with anyone, right? Even if you do get someone to help you, don’t confuse their applause for safety.”
I swallow, recognizing the fear in her eyes. “She made it impossible to trust anyone. To feel like you aren’t being used.”
“She helped me to see we’realwaysbeing used.”
