I refused to let him slip away.
My hands cupped either side of his face, firm but gentle, tilting him back until our eyes locked. Beneath the fire in his gaze, I saw the fear he tried to hide, and the quick rise and fall of his chest. Each second between us stretched, charged with truths Honor refused to face. I leaned in, letting him feel that I wouldn'tleave, no matter how high his walls were, or how deep he tried to bury himself in lies he'd been taught to believe about himself.
"Life hasn't been easy for you," I whispered, my hands holding his face just a little tighter so he couldn't run. "It's backed you into a corner, hitting you with punches that could make a grown man crumble. After fighting for so long, it makes sense why you'd want to give up. But Honor… you can't."
"Why, because you won't let me?" he scoffed, disbelief plaguing his words.
"Of course, I won't, but that's not why. You can't give up because you're stronger than that. Stronger than the shadows you carry, stronger than what most think. You're more than the pain you've endured, more than the fear that fuels you. Honor, you are more than the scars your trauma left behind."
His chest heaved, and I could feel the tremor beneath his skin.
"There's an unrelenting strength inside of you. All you gotta do is reach for it, and believe… believe that you're worthy of love, of peace, of everything you've been too afraid to let yourself have. Today is your birthday, and if not any other day, today you deserve a moment without pain crippling your heart. If only for a moment, you deserve to be celebrated and loved… I plan to give you both. Honor I?—"
His forehead found mine, tears spilling down his cheeks, silencing my confession. I didn't pull away. I didn't judge. I let him cry, let him be free of his armor. Tears slid down our faces. They mingled with whispered sobs and shaky breaths. His hands found mine, his fingers folding between mine.
"Navy," he whispered, and the space between us disappeared.
Instinct took over. I leaned in, meeting his lips with a tremble of my own. Our kiss was awkward at first, as we struggled to find our rhythm. My cheeks heated with embarrassment. Thiswas my first kiss. I wondered if it was his, too. Seconds passed, and we settled, finding our groove. Honor traded my hands for my waist, gripping it tightly as if letting me go would shatter what we'd just built. Our lips pressed together, breaths mingling, hearts hammering in tandem, creating a world all our own.
Honor pulled back just enough to meet my gaze, tears glistening, his voice barely holding it together. "I… I love you."
The words hung between us, fragile but so fucking real. My chest felt too small for my heart. Each beat of silence stretched time, pulling me open from the inside.
"Navy, I love you."
There it was again. He had shifted my heart instead of causing it to race.
"I'm not looking for you to say it back," he continued. "But I had to get it off my chest. Lucian got me moving into a group home tomorrow. I thought I could leave and take what I feel for you with me, but I can't. You deserve more than a nigga dumping his secrets on you. You deserve the truth. I can't tell you when it happened, but I know I love you."
"How?" I whispered.
"I went a long time without knowing what love felt like. Then I met you and everything shifted. My heart stopped racing around you. It stumbled, slowed, and got heavy with fear. Too many feelings started fighting for space beneath my ribs. Then you said all that stuff about me deserving more, and I knew it was said out of love. We're young, but I know what I feel. It's cool if you don't?—"
"I love you too," I whispered, pressing my forehead back to his, letting the world fall away until there was only us.
"I'll always need you, Navy," he mumbled, bringing my lips to his.
"I'll always be here. You'll never have to face the world alone. Not today, not ever," I whispered, giving myself entirely to the only man I ever wanted to love.
Navy Achebe
"Navy."
The gruffness of his voice tickled my ear, stirring me from my sleep. Light taps against my thigh followed, disturbing some of the best sleep of my life. Then again, that was a lie. Anytime I fell asleep in the bed I shared with my man, the most incredible peace washed over me. That's just who Honor was to me… my peace in human form. His body pressed against mine. His scent wrapped around me, shielding me from nightmares of a haunted past. Even when he didn't make it home before I fell asleep, just cuddling his pillow or wearing the last t-shirt he wore was enough for me.
The taps continued, shifting from light to heavy. I didn't bother opening my eyes because I knew exactly who was getting on my damn nerves. Usually, it was my taps that woke Honor. My body had grown used to his morning routine, and after being together for so long, his routine became ours. Most mornings, we woke up and ran three miles together. This was our version of meditation. Whatever happened, the day before, whatever clutter fogged our minds, we left it on the trail or sought answers through the clarity running gave. But what happened yesterdaywasn't something we could solve with a run, and acting as if we could was ludicrous.
After being gone for two months, Crown finally came home. Happy didn't begin to describe how I felt when he called me and said, "Navy, a real nigga's coming home." Crown going away was the best thing for him. His relationship with River had skeletons on both sides, fighting their way out of the dirt. Too much was happening, and Crown deserved a sound voice to guide him through unresolved feelings stemming from losing his mother, his codependency with his brothers, and his fear of becoming his father. As much as I championed Crown for doing what I've nagged all three of the brothers to do, I couldn't lie and say his presence wasn't missed. Family dinners didn't feel the same without Crown's jokes and boisterous laughter. Without Crown, Gravehart Grove didn't feel like home.
Before he left, a fire simmered between the brothers. Not so much Wolfe, but Honor and Crown were at each other's necks. I cursed Honor's ass out and gave him the silent treatment for a few days after their fight in the hospital. I couldn't believe the two of them would even engage in dumb shit like that, especially with Honor recovering from being shot.
Crown going away gave them time to cool off, or so I thought. Crown came back, and, from my understanding, nothing had been resolved. Honor still had a chip on his shoulder, and Crown was willing to walk away from it all. Our close-knit family had somehow unraveled, leaving behind a tangled mess for me to fix, since that has always been my job amongst the brothers. Keeping them together kept my world spinning on its axis. Not to say they were my whole life, but the three of them gave me purpose, each teaching me a different form of love.
Much like Honor, Crown was a man in an adolescent body when I met him. Life had thrown vicious punches Crown's way. He ate every punch and taught himself how to survive in a worldthat feared black boys more than it loved them. The difficulties of his past burdened him, but only on the inside. To the world, Crown walked with an invisible crown placed on his head by the strength of the woman who spoke life into him from the day he was born until her dying breath. The amount of pride Crown moved with was unexplainable and made men twice his age feel small. Mr. John, who used to run Gravehart Homes when the brothers lived there, fed Crown pills, thinking that if he were an addict, his confidence would shrink and dim that bright light of his.
Crown wasn't built to break, but even the strong ones had their days, and when Crown had his, he came to me. His fears were mine to replace with encouraging words, the same way his mother used to. It didn't matter that I was only a couple of years older. Crown needed someone to give him reassurance. Through him, I learned how to love someone without being their savior but as a steady place for them to land. I learned love didn't have to be romantic. It could be as simple as showing up when the world turns away. I loved Crown like a sibling, but differently from how I loved my actual brother. It was deeper, and there was a sense of protectiveness because Crown trusted me with things the world would never know.
Then, there was Wolfe.
