"You're herpicchistore (enforcer). I guess that means you gotta be at her beck and call." I chuckled bitterly. "Who knows…this might bring you and Crown back together since y'all work for Choyce."
Without having to ask him, Honor backed away, letting defeat settle in because he couldn't be honest with me. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, then sat on the bed.
I finished getting dressed, slipped my feet into a pair of Uggs, and headed toward the door.
"Navy," Honor called out, stopping me before I could leave the bedroom.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Who and where?"
"Chosyn. We're going to grab food and drinks while we go over details for River and Crown's engagement party.
Taking a step forward, thinking it was the end of the conversation, I felt his touch on the small of my back. I inhaled sharply, muttering his name, "Honor, please."
I've stood strong for as long as I could. The fight Chosyn kept telling me to stand on was gone. I didn't want to argue or force a conversationhedidn't want to have.
"I love you, Navy."
"I love you too."
I walked away with my breath caught in my chest. With each step, I longed to feel his hand on my wrist, stopping me from leaving. His scent consuming me, whispered apologies tickling my earlobe. However, the reassurance my body craved never came. I made it to my car without being pulled into him, without hearing the heartbeat that mimicked my own. And when I looked back, my view was as empty as the feeling trouncing in my chest.
Honor Gravehart
"Fuck!"I bawled as my fist crashed into the wall, cracking the foundation.
My hand throbbed, blood pooling in the small gashes decorating my knuckles. And still this pain didn't compare to the hurt that lived in Navy's eyes when she walked away from me. Ignoring her and missing movie night was my fuck up, but it was for her benefit. The headspace I was in after dealing with Choyce and Lucian was volatile, and she didn't deserve that type of energy fucking up her vibe.
Navy thought 'cause she watched me aim a gun at my head that she'd seen the worst of me. That shit didn't even come close. She didn't know I melted the flesh off the nigga who was taunting River. She didn't know Mr. John's retirement from Gravehart Homes was a lie I told to keep from telling her that I buried that nigga alive. Hell, she didn't even know I cut out three tongues like coupons yesterday morning. Navy liked to think she could handle the details of the shit I did, but the truth was, if I ever told her, the adoration that curved her lips and brightened her eyes when she looked at me would blur into something cold.
So you lied for my benefit… you got it, Honor.
I exhaled harshly 'cause why the fuck was that so hard for her to believe? Keeping Navy out of harm's way meant lying to her. It meant carrying the weight alone, in hopes it would make sense when everything was all said and done. And after that shit at the dock last night, I didn’t regret shit.
Instead of going home to Navy, I drove to Lucian's crib, parked two blocks down, and waited for his car to whizz past me. I was tired of the manipulation games Lucian kept playing. I wanted out, and handing over millions wasn't gon' cut it. Freedom came at a price. Mine was killing the man who taught me how to survive when everyone else was content with letting the world swallow me alive.
Last night, I was ready to pay. Twin glocks rested on my lap, one on each thigh, clips loaded, itching to be emptied. I sat for hours, waiting for Lucian, only for his car to never drive past me. All that time wasted gave my past time to drag me back to my cage.
Flashes of my mother's tears. Flashes of blood, covering a man who looked like me, but I couldn't recognize him — Wolfe's busted nose, Crown crushing pills to inhale through his nose, and Navy's life being threatened the first day we met, so I'd fall in line.
Every fucking trick Lucian planted, twisted memories into punishment. His voice, preaching a lesson, slid between every memory until panic set in, forcing me to race home to the only peace I've ever known. My family thought I enjoyed keeping shit to myself, but like them, I wanted to bare my soul. I wanted to believe there was strength in vulnerability. But if forgiveness and understanding weren't at the end of it, then what was the point?
Instead, I chose silence. I allowed the ghosts of my fuck ups to roam my head unchecked because what I've done to the people I love couldn't be spoken or forgiven. Reaching for myphone, I hesitated, almost too nervous to make the call. I let out a dry laugh and grabbed it, calling my peace.
"I'm not calling to start shit, I just… I want… I need you to know I love you, Navy. I'm in love with you. I fucked up last night, and instead of apologizing, I tried to make it seem like you were trippin' off small shit. How you feel isn't small to me. I apologize for being dismissive. You deserved… you deserve better than that. I love you, my baby. Have fun."
I listened to the voicemail back and winced at the pain in my voice, not from shame but from how heavy it all sounded. It reminded me of how someone sounded right before they took their last breath. Strained. Fragile. Like the world was pressing down on them, and they couldn't fight back.
She's going to leave me.My phone chimed with a text just as the thought crossed my mind.
Navy
Fuck you!
Reading the text over and over, my hands shook as I typed my reply.
Me
