I'm leaving in ten minutes. I think a comedy would be better for us. I need something lighthearted.
And before you ask, nothing happened. I just need a good laugh. Anyway, I love you. Can't wait to be in your arms.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Choyce glance at the screen as I typed my reply. The tension that covered us moments before snapped like a rubber band stretched too far.
Me
I love you more.
Choyce's expression shifted as she read what I'd sent. Locking my phone, I slipped it into my pocket and took a step back, putting some needed distance between us.
"So now you can't stand near me?" she asked, her voice quieter than before. Hurt flickered in her eyes, but that wasn't for me to pacify.
"Nah, I can't," I admitted, dragging a hand over my fade.
"Whatever, Honor," she muttered, rolling her eyes as her lips curled into a bitter smirk. "You do knowshe'sgonna be the reason Lucian kills all of us, right?"
"How so?" I asked for shits and giggles.
"You're babysitting your emotional support girlfriend. Her feelings come before everything, and that's a problem. It's a weakness. If her emotions stay at the center of yours, you'll never see how much you need me to end this with Lucian."
I laughed, but there was no humor, just deadly anger. "I don't need you for shit," I countered, eyes locked on hers. "And that shit kills you. You want me to need you how I need Navy. Love you how I love her."
Choyce's energy shifted just as quickly as she blinked. The smirk faded, replaced by a frown laced with disappointment and words that probably tasted bitter on her tongue.
"Is that what you think?"
I didn't answer, but the beating of my heart went quiet, stilled by the hurt woven into her voice.
"You really think this is about love? That I want to be Navy?" With each question, her heels clicked as she stepped closer. The hurt I saw in her eyes was gone.
"I don't want to be your emotional crutch, Honor. That's what Navy is to you. You see her as the better parts of yourself. The pieces you think don't exist anymore. She's good, and being with her, you pray some of her good sprinkles onto you. Ineverwant you to see me that way because, for one, I'm not better than you, and two… I'm so much more than someone to lean on when you're broken. I want to be your equal, not your salvation. I want to be chosen for who I am, not to make you feel better about yourself. I'm not a band-aid. I won't heal you, Honor."
Her eyes flickered toward the water for less than a second, then softened when they graced mine again. The vulnerability I felt was present in her stare, begging me to give in to whatever this was.
"I know you don't love me," she whispered, reaching to caress my jawline. My hand twitched, instinctively wanting to pull hers away, but I didn't. Against my better judgment, I let her soft touch massage the tension from my jaw before folding around my neck.
"I also don't need you to. All I want is for you to trust me enough to help you through this. Trust me, Honor, and I promise you won't regret it."
Wrapping her second arm around my neck, Choyce pulled me closer. Her lips brushed mine slowly until we fell into a kiss. She sucked on my bottom lip, deepening the one-sided kiss. Automatically, my fingers moved swiftly behind my back. I gripped the cold metal of my gun. The air caught in my throat as she moanedHonoragainst my lips.
"Trust me."
I slid my hand from behind my back, raising the Glock slowly until the barrel pressed against the supple skin beneath her chin. Her eyes snapped open with both shock and fear flickering across her face. The gravitational pull that tethered me to her moments before broke as her gaze turned to ice.
Choyce Mancinelli
"I toldyou to stop fucking playing with me, Choyce. And still you take me for some DC Young Fly comedy ass nigga."
"Honor," I forced through my clenched teeth.
"Nah, don't call my name like you tough. You pussier than what’s between your legs. But me…" A low snigger followed his words as he jammed the gun further into my underjaw, causing my teeth to clash. "I'm like that forreal Choyce. I'll kill you and won’t feel an ounce of remorse. I'm talking move on with my life and drying the eyes of your daughter after she finds out she's a motherless child type shit. I got mad fuckin' screws missing in my head, and all this shit you're doing is really gon' make me do some I'ma have to repent for. Do you fucking understand me?"
Honor's malicious rant burned in my ears. It wasn't the first time he had threatened me, and it wouldn't be the last, but this time I believed him. Maybe it was the way death clung to his every word. Maybe I'm delusional for thinking this was love. Maybe I wasn't in love with Honor, only captivated by the loyalty he reserved for a woman who wasn't me. Maybe I was chasing the security Navy never had to question… the kind of certainty I didn't have with Talon. The kind that made you believe you're worth protecting, yet made you feel invincible at the same time.
That's what I longed for. To feel so protected by someone that even in the face of death, I felt bulletproof because the man who loved me wouldn't let me die without standing in front of the bullet first. I craved to know what it felt like to be chosen without hesitation, safe without asking, and loved without fear. And I wanted to know it from the man with his gun pressed underneath my jaw. What I felt for Honor didn't make sense, but a truth hovered between us anytime we were together. Even now… That pull. That longing. That thing he and Navy just didn't have… I felt.
Navy stifled him. She grabbed the scraps of his past and stitched them into a leash, tugging him away from the man he was supposed to become. The man Lucian raised. The raw, unpolished version of him wasn't worthy of her love… at least not in her eyes. Piece by piece, she remade him until Honor was someone who deserved her love. Only love wasn't meant to bedeserved. Love was to be given freely through the good and bad, through breaking and building.
