"Whatever you feel for Honor is gonna be the reason you lose your life." Kage's tone was cold. "What you did to get rid of Chance was survival. Chosyn might not get it, but I do because I've been here. I've watched that nigga spiral, take his failures out on you. I picked you up every time he knocked you down. And when I tried to get at him, even knowing it'd get me killed, you pulled me back."
He looked at me, eyes hard.
"For that, I'ma always be the nigga on your left when you bust a right. Right or wrong, I'm with you. But this shit?" He shook his head. "I can't condone it. Leave that nigga alone, Choyce. Focus on the position Lucian gave you until we can knock him off for good. But if you keep fucking with Honor,you'll end up in the dirt before your life truly has the chance to play out."
I exhaled hard through my nose but said nothing because Kage didn't get it. I didn't tell him everything. My clock was already ticking.
"You see me as someone who makes sense," I finally said. "My actions line up for you because you understand the pain that fuels them. So, when I have feelings for Honor, knowing he's with Navy, you can't make sense of it, and that's fine. My feelings aren't for you to understand." I drew in a breath, pushing the words out as my voice trembled. "The part of me that wants him… is the part that breaks at night. The part that cries for a love so deep, so safe that nothing can break it. That part of me is tired of pretending, tired of surviving, tired of stitching herself together. She just wants to be loved and to be held together with something stronger than shared pain."
My throat tightened, but I kept going.
"Honor speaks to her. And maybe that makes me delusional, but I know he feels something, too. If he didn't, why the fuck did he jump in front of those bullets for me?" I let that truth sit heavy in between us. "Those bullets were meant for me, Kage. Death was right there… and Honor saved me. A man doesn't almost die for a woman he hates unless he's lying to himself."
"Choyce—" Kage started, but I held up my hand, cutting the moment in half.
"I have to meet Honor at the docks before Lucian gets there. Make sure you stay out of sight. Lucian's up to something. I can feel it. I want eyes on me at all times."
Kage nodded, jaw clenched from how I shut him down, but he didn't argue.
Therapy was over. It was back to business. And the bitch? She was back playing in the shadows, waiting for a nigga to give her a reason.
Honor Gravehart
The water was still.Cargo boats drifted like ghosts, carrying secrets no one wanted to question. For all the illegal shit moving through these waters, enough to bury me in the feds, I found peace here. A strange peace that probably only made sense to me. It wasn't the white noise of the waves, or the hum of the boats, but the danger that lurked. The risk of getting caught where drugs, guns, and, sometimes, exotic animals were stashed. It was the mental gymnastics flipping around after getting shot here. The crippling anxiety after learning Wolfe had been brought here to die. The chaos that hung over these docks… brought me peace. Because in every one of those situations, I was in control. Even getting shot, that was my call. My decision for all the wrong I've done. The scales needed to be tipped in my favor, even though I knew it wouldn't last.
Chaos and control… I knew how to breathe in that. I thrived in that. But stillness? Stillness peeled me back, layer by layer, until all that was left was the fear of a young boy cosplaying as a man. That fear numbed me, robbed me of oxygen, and left me weak in ways a bullet couldn't. The remedy… was her… Navy. She's the only one who saw the fear in the eyes of the man but whisperedI love youto the boy cowering inside.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. When I pulled it out and saw the screen, it was Navy.
Navy
Still down for
Me
Still down to have your legs wrapped around me while I fake watch some psychological thriller you picked out… Always my baby.
Navy
I'm still at work. I'll let you know when I'm on my way.
Pick me up an almond Hersey bar.
Me
I got you.
After sending the last text, I checked the time and slid my phone into my pocket.
4:59.
"She better be on?—"
Before I could finish, the crisp click of heels echoed across the boards, announcing Choyce's arrival. She slinked toward me, hips rolling along the path forged by her dainty feet. I smirked, wondering how many people noticed the arrogance in her walk. Her saunter was rhythmic, with poise in the way the sway of her body demanded attention. However, underneath all her femininity was something more than confidence, something way more alluring. It was her need to command without speaking, to be in the know without having to ask. It was control, and Choyce wore it like perfume. Stopping within arm's reach, she rolled her shoulders back, then clasped her hands in front of her like shehadn't decided whether to keep things business or flirt her way through this conversation.
"Hello, Honor," she smoothly greeted.
I rubbed a hand across my jaw, more amused than impressed with her choice.
