"I'm always protected." I smirked, slipping the small blade from under my tongue and holding it between my teeth.
Kage scoffed, "Ight, Chosyn Jr."
Kage rounded the front of my truck and opened the passenger side door.
"Come on." He nodded toward the seat, making it clear that I was riding as a passenger.
"I can drive," I told him.
Unlike most girls, I hated sitting in the passenger seat. There was something about just sitting there, letting someone else steer me through life that made me feel powerless. Kage meant well. I loved him for wanting to protect me, but at some point, I had to fully step into the shoes I was fighting to fill. If I didn't, Lucian's world would swallow me whole without the courtesy of spitting me out.
"Stop playing and get your ass out."
I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to complain, but his gaze dropped, and his handsome features curled into a scowl.
"Choyce."
I hopped out and rounded the back of the truck, then climbed into the passenger seat. Kage closed my door and jogged around getting in.
"What's that blade gon' do for you against a nigga with a gun?" he asked, pulling off the block.
"If all I have is a blade, then I guess I'm dead." I shrugged, not understanding what he wanted me to say.
"You got it, Choyce." He chuckled in a dry manner that carried way more disbelief than humor.
"What's the problem?" Kage was my best friend, and arguing rarely happened between us.
"What did I say after you came to me and explained thatyouwanted to take over for Lucian? That you wanted to run his fraction of what's happening between the three lost boroughs?"
"If we're going to do this, can we at least do it without the psychological bullshit?"
"Psychological bullshit," he mocked, sounding nothing like me. "Nah, I can't because this whole shit is mental fucking warfare, Choyce. When you came to me about your plan, I told you what needed to happen."
"Shut the world out. Keep your path clear. Go dark and never let them see you coming." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear.
"Exactly. For a minute, you were on your shit. Nothing and no one could knock you off your square."
"Yeah, but how long am I supposed to be this confident, ruthless bitch when it's not who I am? I learned to speak the language, but does that make me fluent?"
"This is whatyouwanted," Kage gritted lowly. "You were tired of muthafuckas acting like your wants didn't matter, treating you like a doormat, only acknowledging you after you've been disregarded."
"I was tired then, and I'm still tired. I did what you said. I stepped into the same darkness that's been looming over my life since the day I got thrown into that damn van." My hands trembled, the feel of expensive leather ghosting against my palms. I closed my eyes, reminding myself to breathe, and then kept going.
"I learned how to move through it. I stripped my emotions because of it. I became someone I don't recognize, all in thename of fucking survival! I played the role so fucking well that even I believe myself to be the manipulative bitch everyone thinks I am."
My voice cracked as it rose, but I didn't care. The pressure behind my eyes burned, and the feeling of always being unheard settled in like smoke, choking me.
"I hear you, Choyce." Kage's voice was so damn soothing, it pissed me off.
"Chosyn hates me for what I've done, all because I played in the shadows. But that's all it's ever been… me playing. We both know I've never been grim. That's always been you."
A beat of silence settled between us, heavy and suffocating.
"So when Lucian is dead, and the Italians answer to me… what am I supposed to do once they realize I didn't get there by being scariest in the room, but because I survived the scariest one?"
The car went quiet, and the humming of the engine took over. Seconds, maybe even minutes, passed before Kage cleared his throat.
"You think survival doesn't count for something?"
