"Then what do you call theI did this,and I did that for youbullshit you keep spewing?"
"It's a reminder that I don't have to answer the questions of a nigga who should be grateful I put him in a position to eat."
Honor's words weren't meant to be cruel. They were meant to remind me of where he believed my place was. Looking at Honor, I didn't see my brother, didn't see family. I shook my head slowly, more disappointed than angry.
"You're broken," I said simply. "And that ain't your fault. We were all broken when we found each other. But you… you're the only one still living in that pain."
Honor's shoulders stiffened, his nostrils flaring.
"And what's crazy is you should've been let that trauma go. Navy… she's been right there, holding your hand through your shit, every step. Giving up her time, her energy, her life to keep you from falling apart. Everybody sees it, my nigga. Each one of us sees how she bends herself to keep you whole," I told him, sucking my teeth.
Wolfe found peace in Chosyn.
I found solace in Four.
Honor had both in Navy and treated her love like water. He used it to survive, but never to heal. He sat with his hurt and let it harden, while Navy poured every part of herself into him. Her love. Her patience. Navy bled for him. Lived for him. Carried him in ways nobody else could. And instead of letting her all the way in, he let her light knock at a door he refused to open, choosing the hurt he knew over the healing he could've had.
"Fuck you saying? I don't love Navy?" he gritted out.
"You love her… just like you love Wolfe and me, but that love isn't what drives you. Usneedingyou… that's what fuels you. And I use that term loosely 'cause we don't really need you. You held on to your pain, filled its cracks with control… with people whoneedyou, so you don't gotta face yourself, so you don't gotta see just how broken you really are… or how muchyouneedus."
His jaw clenched, tight enough for me to see the lines in his face deepen. I didn't let him speak. Honor's problem wasn't that he didn't feel. It was that everyone tiptoed around it. Nobody told him the shit he needed to hear.
"You confuse being needed with being respected. That's why you gotta remind niggas what you provided, and why you puff your chest out about that shit. 'Cause the moment you're not needed, your sense of purpose disappears." I paused, letting it sit. "And you fear that. You fear muthafuckas healing and moving on 'cause that leaves you right where we found you."
I tilted my head.
"Broken. Angry at the world. Still under the control of the man who ruined your life. Me?" I pounded my fist against my chest. "I don't gotta prove I'm solid. History already shows that. In the same way, it shows all the shit you've done for me. And I appreciate you, my nigga, I do, but if we being real… what the fuck is all this for?" I waved a hand around us.
"We're not them young kids trying to survive anymore. Nigga, we survived. Money ain't the issue. Our past ain't theissue. So what's all this for? What are the secrets for if we're supposed to be family?"
"Family?" Honor spat.
It wasn't pride in his tone but pain. Deep, broken, uncontrollable pain.
"I… I found out…" his voice cracked, faltering, "from Navy about your engagement. About the baby."
He swallowed hard, his eyes glistening, but he blinked fast, forcing the tear away before it could fall.
"You didn't tell me. How could you not tell me, Crown?"
"We weren't seeing eye to eye 'bout?—"
"I don't give a fuck!" his voice boomed, shaking the space between us. "How you not gon' tell the nigga who's been through it all with you? The nigga that protected you from?—"
Whatever he was about to say caught in his throat. His hands flexed, eyes darting away before snapping back. He stepped closer, voice barely a whisper but coated in hurt.
"I should've been there," Honor declared hoarsely. "I should've been happy for you. Proud. Instead, I…"
His voice cracked, and he stopped, hands trembling like they didn't belong to him.
"Instead of putting our differences aside and apologizing for the shit I said, I stayed stuck in my head," Honor admitted. "Watching you become the man River deserved felt like a slight, not 'cause of you but because it showed me the man I've been trying and failing to be."
His eyes glossed over, jaw throbbing as he fought to keep himself together.
"I was never mad at you leaving, Crown," he continued. "You did what I didn't know how to do. You saw yourself spiraling and stepped away before you hurt her. That took strength. I respected that shit."
Then his voice dropped.
