The soft, pleasant voice everyone loved was gone. My words came out dry, flat, and unattached. Like I was here but a million miles away.
"I don't have anywhere to be. I'm just worried?—"
"Don't be," I snapped, then sipped. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not. You still have her blood on you, Navy."
"So?"
I shrugged, lifting the glass until I caught my reflection. Choyce's blood was still, in fact, smeared across my face. What was once bright red had dried into deep crimson spots. Against my skin, it looked wrong, like it didn't belong, and I didn't care.
"Maybe I should call Honor. I don't mind staying, but I don't know how to help you with this."
I lowered the glass and looked at Honey. She was beautiful, and the fear in her eyes softened her features, making her vulnerable. It made her glow in a way pain does for people who aren't carrying it.
"I'm not yours to help," I mumbled, my lips finding the rim again. "And Honor's already on his way. I texted him."
"Then what am I supposed to do, Navy?"
"The same thing I'm doing," I answered her quietly. "Nothing."
"I can't just do nothing. You're spiraling."
"Spiraling is someone acting erratically," I told her. "I'm calm."
Honey hesitated.
"What you said to Choyce… it has to be eating at you. When's the last time you talked about it?"
"Never."
"Why not?"
A low, venomous laugh slipped out of me.
"Who was I supposed to tell? Crown? Wolfe?" I shook my head. "They wouldn't understand."
"Honor!" Honey snapped. "It should've been Honor."
"It should've been," I agreed. "We've been together for most of my life, and maybe a month ago was the first time he ever mentioned wanting to get me pregnant."
I took another sip and let the bitterness sit heavy on my tongue.
"It wasn't romantic. It didn't come after vows or promises or love spoken out loud. He said it out of anger, mad that I didn't want to run with him, mad about Crown, mad about me possibly slipping out of his hold."
My grip tightened on the glass.
"He fucked me into submission. Told me…" I stopped, remembering every word.
"I want your body carrying the best part of me. Walking around full of my seed. Body marked by it."
A dry, brittle chuckle escaped me as I bounced my leg.
"And my stupid ass ate it up."
"You aren’t stupid. You're just a woman in love. That's a beautiful thing."
I glanced at Honey with sympathetic eyes. It was clear she couldn't see the depth of what I said because, in her mind, I had what she wanted. Over the years, it became easy to spot women who saw your relationship as goals or something they yearned for.
