They said nothing more after that, just stepped and skipped and moved around one another like wary cats wondering if the other might strike. Thea never took her eyes from Martha’s mask, wondering if she might catch a glimpse of what she felt, but the eyes were too narrow and the light too dim to see. As they turned for the last time, she felt Martha’s hand squeeze her briefly before she pulled away. It almost made her sob out loud.
She was still trying to discern any hint of feeling or emotion when the music came to a rousing climax, they stepped away from one another, and Martha bowed. Then, before she knew it, Martha was off into the crowd and towards the massive arched doorway.
‘Blast,’ Thea muttered to herself, and took off in pursuit. It wasn’t easy with bodies in volume and huge costumes barring the way. At least, given her choice for total anonymity in the costume, people couldn’t see it was a duchess barging through the throng and onto the rotunda steps. She paused at the top and peered down into the garden beneath her. It was dark by now and had begun to rain, but sheltered candles lit the main pathways. A figure ran towards the royal hospital, not so far ahead. Thea hitched up her skirts and took off in pursuit, not caring about the stares that followed her. What a sight they must make, a pirate pursued by the goddess of hunting. As the path split, Martha took a left, heading down towards the Thames.Thea only hoped she wouldn’t be able to jump on a boat before she reached her. Martha slowed as she approached the water, looking left and right for a craft. Raindrops spiked the surface of the river, each individual imperfection gilded by the lights hung to illuminate the pier. As Martha surged to the left, clearly desperate to find an escape, Thea reached her and grasped her by the arm.
‘How dare you?’ was what came out of her, unplanned. But then she realised it was exactly what she felt.
Martha said nothing, she only tried to free herself from Thea’s grasp, but Thea was used to wrangling an unruly Abigail.
‘How dare you, after all this time, Martha? How dare you run away from me again.’
Martha suddenly stopped struggling and turned to her. ‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked. It seemed angry and pleading all at once.
Thea gritted her teeth. She used her free hand to pull the mask from her face and threw it on the floor. ‘Is it easier, if you can’t see me?’
Martha slowly reached up and pulled the mask from her own face. ‘It was, yes,’ she said quietly. Thea was instantly mesmerised by her eyes in the way she always had been. She stood stock still, frozen in place by the face and the wisdom she had craved for over five years.
‘And how about now?’ she asked quietly, dropping Martha’s wrist but putting no more space between them. Martha only shook her head and looked away. Thea felt an incredulous laugh bubble out of her at the inertia of it. ‘Is that it?’ she asked, ‘after all this time? I get a shake of the head?’ Martha only set her jaw. ‘Look at me, Martha!’ The words came out loudly and Martha’s head snapped around. Now Thea noted the worried lines of her eyes, and a pain that echoed her own set deep within them. ‘Talk to me,’ she said more gently.
‘I hadn’t expected to see you here.’ Martha’s voice was strained and a little croaky. ‘At least, not in a way that we would know one another. I wouldn’t have come, if I had known.’
‘The whole of fashionable society is here,’ said Thea. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘You used to hate parties,’ said Martha flatly. ‘And I thought you would be back in the country.’
‘I still hate parties,’ shot back Thea. ‘But I have a husband who insists I stay with him in the city and attend.’
Thea saw Martha’s throat work as she swallowed. ‘I have been so careful up to now. This evening is clearly an error of judgement, but I repeat my question and request that you tell me why you are doing this.’
‘Careful of what?’ asked Thea, ignoring the question and searching Martha’s face for clues as to what had happened to their promises. Her pulse still raced with exhilaration and anger, but she was still confused.
‘To avoid you, to not see you.’ Martha blinked hard and looked out over the Thames. Thea saw her set her jaw in the way she did when she was trying her utmost to control her emotion.
‘I don’t understand why you would do that,’ said Thea, tears now dangerously close. Martha only shook her head. ‘Are you not even going to tell me?’ asked Thea. ‘Surely I deserve that courtesy?’
Martha’s eyes now met hers, a hard edge in them that had never been directed at Thea before. She stepped closer, her voice low. ‘I was avoiding you as I wasn’t sure that I could cope,’ a brief exhalation through her nose, ‘and now I see that I was right. I had flattered myself that you might be similarly affected, but it seems that you are not.’
‘That was your choice,’ said Thea quietly. ‘You didn’t have to avoid me.’
‘Of course I did.’ Martha’s eyes were harsh. ‘It is all I have been doing, Thea, it is the only way I have been able to exist while I have to stay in this godforsaken city between voyages. You are everywhere in society and so I can be nowhere.’ She looked back towards the Thames, tense and strained.
‘You could have been with me,’ said Thea, ‘and yet you chose a new life.’
Martha now looked back towards her. ‘What choice did I have?’ There was accusation in her tone, but also the hint of a question. ‘You got on with your life.’
‘I had little option,’ said Thea, ‘I have a husband and children, but you could choose. If you chose a different life, you could at least have had the courtesy to tell me, Martha.’
‘The courtesy?’ asked Martha, shaking her head. ‘After you took that choice out of my hands?’
Thea was getting more confused. ‘By marrying? But that’s what we agreed. That was our arrangement.’
‘Of course it was.’ Martha’s voice was high and raw now and she threw up her hands in frustration. ‘But I thought… I thought you would still want me. But of course, you are quite within your rights to choose. I should have known that once you started to build a family of your own, I would become a memory.’
Thea didn’t understand at all. ‘How could you think that?’
Martha’s eyes darkened. ‘You have been very clear,’ she said. ‘Numerous times. And you couldn’t even tell me to my face.’
‘When?’ Thea was becoming desperate now.
