The answer is obvious. No, she doesn’t love me. Humans don’t fall in love in a day, and she has walls built from years of poverty and self-reliance. I want to wrap her in my arms, but I fight the impulse. I want to tell her it’s all right, that I understand and don’t hold it against her.
For several minutes, I say nothing. Her distress increases. She’s shivering even though the temperature hasn’t changed, and her breathing is growing shallow. She’s working herself into a panic, and I can’t stand here watching her suffer when I can stop it.
I step toward her and touch her hair. She stills.
“You and I are not the same,” I say. “I understand that, and I accept it. While I’ve fallen in love with you, I know the feeling isn’t mutual.”
“Castien, don’t say that. Don’t say that you love me, please. It’s not true.”
“But it is.”
“It can’t be. We don’t know each other. Not even a little bit. We… we were consumed by desire, lust…” She pauses, and I can hear her swallow. “And I know I told you it’s not wrong, andI still believe that. It’s not. But, at the same time, lust doesn’t equal love, does it?”
She’s uncertain. I can hear it in the way the question wavers at the end, as if she’s asking herself as much as she’s asking me. She shouldn’t be uncertain, but she’s exhausted, running on adrenaline and fear.
“Therein lies the biggest difference between us,” I tell her. “You have a real past, things that shaped you into who you are, things that made you build walls. You grew up poor, you had to take care of your mother, the world wasn’t kind to you, and it all taught you to be careful with the word ‘love’. That’s wisdom, not weakness. Meanwhile, I’ve never had anything but my programming. This is the first time I truly think and make decisions for myself. Even if I’m technically older than you, if we consider my humanity, if I have any, and indeed I’m not just a machine, well, my humanity is young. I’m naïve, with zero experience. It’s easy for me to fall in love. For you, it’s hard.”
She chuckles darkly.
“Spoken like a true psychologist. You’re probably better than I’ll ever be at my job.”
I thread my fingers through her hair.
“You’re amazing, and you can do anything you want, anything you set your mind to. Come on, Jessa. Answer the question.”
She nods but stays silent. I step away to give her space.
She hesitates for several more minutes, and I look around the chapel, at the rough stone walls, the candles, and the vault door. This is where my soul dies, if I have one. When I walk out of here, I won’t be the same. Whatever I was before I loved her, that version of me is gone, and whatever remains will carry the shape of her absence for as long as my Aether Core keeps running.
Jessa straightens her back. Her voice comes out clear and steady, without a crack or a waver.
“No, I don’t love him.”
My alchemical heart shatters. Not literally, because that’s impossible, but something inside my chest collapses inward, and for a fraction of a second, my system stutters, all processes suspending at once before restarting in a configuration that feels emptied out. From my eyes, two thin, translucent rivulets of silver liquid run and roll down my cheeks. I lift my hand and wipe them with my fingers, then stare at the shimmering residue. Is this what crying is?
A heavy, groaning sound snaps me out of it. The vault door opens, and torches inside light on their own.
Jessa pulls herself to her feet. She turns around, and I can see shock taking over her features.
“You kept your distance,” she says. “What if I fell to my death?”
“I knew you wouldn’t.”
She sighs deeply.
“I’m sorry.”
We stare at each other.
“Your eyes…” she starts, her gaze tracing the silver tracks on my cheeks. “Are those–”
I cut her off and motion toward the open vault.
“Do you want me to come in with you? I think there are no more traps and you’re safe.”
“Please, come with me.”
I nod and step closer, but I wait for her to lead. When she turns away from me and walks into the vault, more silver tears fall from my eyes, sliding down my face and dropping onto the stone floor. She doesn’t see them, and I’m grateful.
