Still, a part of me hurt as I left all the lights behind for the darkness of the metro.
The wordsolnyshkareplayed in my head over and over. I kept imagining my secret admirer whispering it in my ear over and over and over, his voice sounding a lot like Alek’s.
To my solnyshka. Mine.
So what if I was stressed? So what if my feet bled almost every day, and my head was pounding with an ever-increasing migraine? So what if my apartment smelled a little like mold and the cafe kept shrinking the hemline of the skirts I was forced to wear in front of dusty men? How could I complain about all of those things when I was living mydream—dancing in the City Ballet with a life that could only get better from here?
It was my negativity talking, the post-holiday blues pulling me down. I just needed to remind myself of all the wonderful things in my world, things like flowers and best friends and new auditions.
My life wasn't perfect, but maybe one day, I would finally learn how to write my own rules for it.
December 27th
Jules
Good luck with auditions today, Annie.
Love you.
Evangeline
Aw, Jules!
Are you feeling gushy today?
I wanna be gushy, too!!!
I love you, big brother. :)))
#BestBigBrotherEver
#SibsForLife
*cat gif*
Jules
My nerves were suffocatingthe air the next morning as I blew my big brother at least ten kisses. Through his sports car’s tinted windows, I could make out his eye roll followed by an embarrassed flush of his cheeks, the red overtaking his freckles. But I didn’t apologize because it was his fault for starting it.
He knew what he was doing when he woke me up with affectionate texts.
At one point, my family used to be somewhat normal. I didn’t have a whole lot of memories of this time in my life, but Jules would sometimes tell me about it—how my mom would brush my hair every night, how my dad let me sit on his lap during business meetings, the family trips we went on together.
But when I was four, all of that changed.
My parents became harder. They started stealing Jules—who was only eleven—away from me, instructing him in the ways of the family business. And me?
They shipped me away.
To ballet lessons. Boarding school. University. Anywhere that wasn’t with them.
I didn’t know what caused my life to crack, but I saw the shards of whatever it was every day. I spent most of my life without affection, and whenever I got it, I was determined to keep it forever.
One day, my Prince Charming would fix the holes inside of me, the ones that begged to be loved.
Maybe that would be Alek.
Or maybe I should have been looking harder for my cat.
