There wassomething magical about fresh snowfall in the air, something beautifully magnificent and ethereal about seeing those tiny flakes fall from the sky, settling on my lashes and coating my skin in winter’s magic. The city park practically glittered in the cold, December air, and for a moment, I could almost pretend that I was the main character in a romance book about to kiss my one true love.
But, alas, my real life was far from romantic.
In fact, the only reason I was even at the park wasn’t thatIwas on a date, but that mybest friendwas on a date, and for some reason, I’d agreed to tag along with her. I was really regretting my decision now as the three of us walked down the slick sidewalk, the two of them huddled in close conversation while I hovered on the outskirts.
Should I go home? I don’t think she needs me here,I thought as the two of them started to kiss.
Or, at least, it was probably supposed to be a kiss—though it looked more like he was trying to consume her soul or something. I wasn’t exactly the most experienced with kissing, but I didn’t think it was supposed to look likethat.
“What do you know?” a nasty voice inside of me snapped. “You’ve never kissed anyone in your life.”
Which, unfortunately, was true.
When I was a little girl, I used to dream of my wedding day, of the prince I would one day marry. He would be tall and handsome, charming and considerate, kind and brave. Someone safe. We’d fall in love at first sight before riding happily into the sunset on our wedding day, probably on a horse and carriage.
Now, as an adult, I wanted the same things—though I was a little less set on the horse and carriage, mostly because I got way too motion sick to do something like that. But a Prince Charming, true love, and a sunset-colored happy ending sounded wonderful.
To my brother, though… that was his worst nightmare.
And in my family, what Jules said went, and he had declared I wasn’t allowed to date without his express permission. I was beginning to accept that I would need to purchase a cat or ten at some point in time.
Yes, that was a little dramatic. Yes, I was only twenty-one, and I still had plenty of my life left to find my Prince Charming. But anyone who tried to remind me of those things—namely Mia, my best friend—usually shut up when they met Jules for the first time. According to him, he didn’t ever plan on changing his mind.
Hence the plan to get a cat.
What would I name a cat?I wondered.Maybe Odette… Clara? Sylvie?
I distracted myself with thoughts of the cute baby animals—Oh,maybe I could get one of those super fluffy cats!—while wecontinued through the park. It was certainly better than trying to think of my nonexistent Prince Charming, who was probably never going to come for me.
Thick flakes of snow settled in my soft curls, and my boots crunched with each step. Skeletal tree branches swayed in the wind, their boughs strung with warm white lights. Iron fences were adorned with garlands made of holly and fir, and each gate held a sprig of mistletoe, perfect for the kissing I would never have.
Sugar Plum,I decided. That would be my cat’s name, based on one of my many favorite ballets, because how could I have possibly picked just one? Every show I danced in became my favorite, which meant that right now,The Nutcrackerwas at the top of my list. Sure, I wasn’t a big part, but the fact that I was dancing in the most prestigious ballet company in the country made being in the background completely worth it.
Plus, it was how I met Mia.
“Isn’t this so fun, Evie?” she asked, reaching over to squeeze my hand.
No. Despite my fascination with the year’s first snowfall, I wasn’t having fun. It sucked to be constantly reminded of something I longed for but didn’t have, not to mention I was freezingandexhausted from a gruesome morning rehearsal followed by a chaotic afternoon shift. I wasn’t planning on coming at all—who wants to third-wheel a first date?—but Mia gave me one look with her wide, gray eyes and suddenly, I couldn’t say no.
Not that I would have anyway. I had an issue with telling people how I felt, which is why I said yes when Mia was too nervous to go out with Whatever-His-Name-Was, and why I kept trying to gather the nerve to tell her Ihatedthe nickname Evie, yet failing every time.
I was always like this. Constantly sacrificing myself to make others happy—whether that was my brother, Mia, the other City Ballet Company dancers, or my coworkers at the cafe I worked at—was easier than dealing with what happened when I didn’t.
Because what if they needed me to say yes? What if their happiness rode on ateensybit of mine? How could I put myself above them like that?
I couldn’t.
Which was why I plastered a big smile on my face and said, “Yup! So fun.”
“Carmelo,” she said, turning back to her date. “Tell me about your job again.”
Oh, yeah. Carmelo,I thought, though I didn’t feel too bad for not remembering. Mia was the type to fall in love on a Friday and fall out of it by Monday, which meant that Carmelo had two more days to go before he received a breakup text.Poor guy.
I hoped I was wrong. I hoped Mia could find the happiness she deserved—for both of our sakes. I was tired of tagging along on first dates, even though I knew she was probably inviting me because she hated thinking of me sitting all alone in my apartment.
Which, yes, would have been alittlesad, but that was why I was going to get Sugar Plum, and everything was going to be absolutely amazing again.
Carmelo’s voice was impossibly deep as he recounted his job at a warehouse outside of the city, tracking shipping logistics. That was about all I got from what he said because my mind began to wander shortly after he began, which it did often. My thoughts were a labyrinth, and I followed every golden string in hopes that I would one day be able to escape it.
