My heart skips a beat when I see one called Blake’s songs.
Clicking on it, I smile when I see the wholeAcross The Universesoundtrack.
Bitting my lower lip, my thumb hovers over a song. Swallowing hard, I click on it and lay back next to Cooper, heart racing so fast I think I might pass out.
I’m not good with words, that much has been proven. I don’t know how to tell him I’m all in too. That I want everything he’s willing to give me and more.
I’m so obsessed with this man, to the point I’m afraid I’ll scare him away with how needy I feel around him. How it’s never close enough, never enough. I want to be near him all the time, touch him, taste him, feel him. I want him to be a part of me. And maybe that's unhealthy, maybe that's crazy and too much. But it’s how I feel. It’s what I want.
I know he’s going to handle me with kid gloves, thinking that it’s what I need, that if he goes too fast he’s going to run me off.
I might be a virgin and this may be new to me, but I don’t want to go slow. I don’t want to take our time. I want to dive head first into everything with him.
The thought of him kissing me, touching me and even more, it doesn’t send me into a panic, it has my blood boiling and my cock aching.
Rylee said this is what happened with her. When she first realized she had feelings for her girlfriend, she went from never having sexual feelings, to going at it like bunnies.
I thought that was crazy, because how could you go from never wanting someone to sexually touch you to wanting that all the time?
The more I looked into it, though, the more I’ve seen that every demi-sexual person's relationships are different.
There’s no rules for when or how hard you fall for someone. When you connect to someone, find your person, the one who makes you feel all the feelings in the world, it’s intense and thrilling and amazing.
I see that now. I know what Rylee means. I didn’t think it would be the case with me. But boy, was I wrong.
As the song plays through the speakers, I have to focus on steadying my breathing so I don’t pass the hell out.
We lay there and listen to the lyrics. When it gets to the part where it says ‘please say to me, you’ll let me be your man,’ I can feel Cooper turning his head to the side to look at me.
My heartbeat kicks up a notch, and my palms start to sweat.
I become painfully aware of how close our hands are. I can almost feel the heat of his.
It’s crazy for me to be so worked up, so shy, like the virgin I am. We already made out and it was amazing, mind blowing and pretty steamy, I’d say. I think. Maybe? I don’t know. Still, this moment is the momentafterthe kiss. Where do we take that next step? Or, where do we go from here?
It’s nerve-wracking and I have no idea how to go about it. I’m hoping the guy takes pity on me and makes the first move. This song is the best I’ve got right now, but I mean every word of it.
When it says, ‘now let me hold your hand,’ Cooper’s fingers graze against mine, sending jolts of pleasure through every cell inside me.
My breathing picks up, heart hammering against my rib cage.
His hand slips under mine, twining our fingers together. A wave of heat floods me and I want to smile.
Cooper starts to sing the next line. It’s low and soft, but I just about melt into a damn puddle.
“And when I touch you, I feel happy inside.”
The song amps up and I feel him scooting closer to me. He reaches over and cups my cheek, turning my face towards him. He rolls onto his side and leans over. I suck in a breath and then his lips are on mine.
I whimper softly, everything inside me coming to life.
When he touches me, I feel parts of me I didn’t know existed, feelings I didn’t know were possible.
We shift our bodies, so that we can comfortably lay there together, just kissing. It’s slow and sensual, emotional and soul consuming.
For the first time in my life, I let myself be happy, to be wanted.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I deserve something good.
