I’d been certain that my obsessive need to dominate him would end us before we’d really gotten started, but for reasons unknown to me at the time, Sage had thrived under my hand. And while our relationship wasn’t about pain or humiliation, it was something most wouldn’t understand.
Like the pleasure we took in bringing a third to our bed every now and then.
It wasn’t something I needed and I doubted Sage needed it either, but it was something we both enjoyed and our relationship was strong enough that it actually brought us closer together rather than pulling us apart.
But even with our thirds, I had strict rules, which Sage had readily agreed to.
For starters, I never let anyone fuck Sage. It was a hard limit I’d set from day one and I’d been certain it would be a non-starter for Sage, but he’d had no issue with it. I did let Sage fuck other guys and, on occasion, women, but I was never a passive participant. Iwas always either fucking Sage at the time or I was getting my dick sucked by our plaything. My favorite thing, though, was to fuck our third while Sage watched. There was nothing more beautiful than my man pleasuring himself, riding the edge of his lust, but refusing to let himself go over until I gave him express permission to do so. And I rarely gave him that permission, preferring instead to bring him his pleasure myself.
The intricacies of our relationship remained primarily in the bedroom, though there were occasions when it would bleed into our everyday lives. As strong and as vivacious as Sage was, there were times where he’d need more, and his need had nothing to do with sex. I knew it came from the darkness of his past, though he’d never confirmed it. Just like he hadn’t needed an explanation for why I required sexual subservience – though I’d eventually told him – I never required him to voice the demons that drove him, though I was pretty sure I knew what they were.
“I expected…” Sage began, but then his voice dropped off.
“You expected,” I said, waiting patiently.
I felt his eyes on me. “She’s so confident on the phone…calls me on my shit.”
I chuckled but didn’t say anything.
“I didn’t expect her to be so…uncertain,” he finally said.
I didn’t miss the thread of hurt in his voice. It was a definite sign that his interest in the young woman wasn’t merely sexual.
It should have bothered me more than it did. But even though I had an almost vital need to control Sage in our bed, I had no interest in controlling his future. Even though it would likely kill me if his feelings for Daisy ended up being stronger than what he felt for me, I’d accept that. Because despite the fact that Sage was brutally loyal, he hadn’t ever admitted his true feelings to me. In my heart, I believed that he loved me, but while I’d shared those words with him many times, he had yet to do the same. If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I wouldn’t have been as confident as I was that his feelings were the same as mine. Because while Sage desperately needed to give up control, he’d never been able to give up all of himself.
And if it took someone like Daisy to set him free, I’d choose that over a lifetime of having him at my side knowing he’d never truly be the man he could be.
“She’s used to dealing with people from the other side of a computer screen,” I reminded him. “It’s easy to pretend to be someone you’re not when anonymity is on your side.”
“Did you see the way she looked at me… us?” he asked dejectedly. “Like she thought we were going to hurt her or something.”
Ihadnoticed. I’d also noticed that she’d stuck to Memphis and Mav like glue, which hadn’t surprised me, since she knew both men better than the rest of the team. I also hadn’t missed my need to reassure her that we were no threat to her. If anything,shewas the threat.
“It wasn’t just us she looked at like that,” I observed, but I knew it wouldn’t satisfy Sage. He wasn’t used to people being afraid of him, at least not anyone who wasn’t on the receiving end of his gun.
Silence descended for several moments as I navigated the narrow road leading to the motel.
“Hey,” Sage murmured, and I took my eyes off the road long enough to cast him a glance. A moment later, I felt his fingers seeking mine out where they were resting on the gearshift. “You know it’s still only you, right?” he said softly. I let him link our hands.
I hated the insecurity that burrowed its way into my chest. I pulled his hand up to my lips and brushed my mouth over the back of his hand. “What was the one thing I promised you when you agreed to be mine?” I asked.
“That no matter what choices you made for us, the choice to be with you was always mine.”
“I’ll never keep you from being the man you’re supposed to be, Sage,” I said softly. “Even if you can’t be that man with me.”
Sage’s fingers flexed around mine. “Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t give me that freedom,” he murmured.
I didn’t ask him to expound on his statement because I already understood what he meant. As strong and as dangerous as Sage could be when it came to our work and to protecting the people hecared about, he had no faith in himself and his ability to make decisions. While there were many decisions I was willing to make for him, I would never force him to choose me as the person he wanted to be with. It was a fine line that I refused to cross. As much as I felt like Sage was mine, I didn’t own him and I refused to attach that label to him.
Because I knew, deep down, Sage didn’t want to be viewed as a piece of property. He’d had that once and it had nearly killed him. But it was also hard for him to be adrift. If I hadn’t been able to read him as well as I could, I would have thought I was just some stand-in… that I met that singular need to have someone give him the control he couldn’t find on his own. But Iwasable to read him and I saw things in his eyes beyond sexual satisfaction and contentment. He might not be able to acknowledge it, but he’d chosen me. He continued to choose me every time we came together.
“And I wish you’d have more faith in yourself… like you have in me.”
Sage cast me a glance but remained silent.
The motel parking lot was almost completely empty when we pulled in. Most of the wedding guests either lived in the immediate area and had gone home directly after the ceremony or had gone back to the city so they could fly out tonight or in the morning to be wherever it was they needed to be on Christmas. Since it was just Sage and me, we’d decided to spend another night at the motel before heading back to our house in Arkansas.
I pulled the car around to the back side of the motel where our room was, but as soon as the headlights lined up with the building, my breath caught at the sight before me.
