It broke my heart that Sam no longer had that.
Sam seemed to sense that I was looking at him, because he looked directly at me and nodded. I knew it would probably be a while before the man trusted me if I did somehow manage to convince his son to give me a second chance, but I’d kill myself trying if the opportunity presented itself.
The older man straightened and began to head for the front door, presumably to go next door to check on Ryan, but stopped short when he encountered my brother, who was still unabashedly watching him. I had no clue how to classify the expression on Matias’s face, but it was definitely throwing Sam off. The two stared at each other for a long time before Sam finally said, “Thank you.”
I knew he was thanking Matias for saving Ryan’s life, because there was no doubt that Blake would have shot the boy during his rampage. Matias didn’t say anything at all. He just held Sam’s gaze until the older man seemed to grow flustered and fled the room. It wasn’t until he was gone that Matias began to get antsy. The copnoticed the switch and seemed to rush through the last of his questions. I wanted to laugh because Matias had that effect on a lot of people these days. The past thirty minutes was the longest I’d seen him sit still in a while.
The idea that it was because of some weird fascination he had with Elliot’s father was just strange, so I couldn’t go there. But I had to admit, it had been nice to get a glimpse of my old brother.
Matias came over to me and said, “You’ll be okay?”
I nodded. Even if he hadn’t liked how I’d handled the relationship with Elliot, I knew it was hard for him to see me hurting. “Thanks for having good timing, big brother,” I said.
Matias smiled, though it didn’t exactly reach his eyes.
“He’s special, huh?” he asked.
“Yeah, he is.”
He didn’t respond to that, merely nodded and turned away. I saw him glance around the house once more, then he was gone. I waited for a few more minutes in the hopes that Elliot might come back, but when he didn’t, I said my goodbyes to the police and texted Memphis to let him know I was leaving the scene.
It wasn’t until I was halfway down the walkway that I noticed him. He was leaning against the side of my car.
I ended up slowing my step, because as eager as I’d been for this moment only minutes ago, now I was dreading it. From the way his arms were crossed and his jaw was set into a firm line, I knew he wasn’t going to say anything I wanted to hear.
“Have you been out here long?” I asked when I reached him. I wanted so badly to take him in my arms, but like before the shooting, he had his arms wrapped protectively around his waist.
He shook his head. “Couldn’t go back in just yet,” he said as he nodded at the house. “Are you okay?” he asked as his eyes fell to the bandage on my arm.
“Barely a scratch. How’s Ryan?”
“Better. He and my dad are fighting over how much candy he’s allowed to eat tonight. They’ll be spending the night at Mrs. Crandle’s.”
“And your dad?”
“Spooked. Really spooked.”
Despite my good intentions to give him the space he so clearly wanted, I ended up stepping closer, crowding him back against the car. But I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep from reaching for him. “It was too close,” I murmured. “Way too close.”
“You should have told me, Cruz,” Elliot whispered in a pained voice. “At least we might have had a chance.”
Pain lanced through me at confirmation of what I already knew. He made a move to step past me, so I grabbed his arm and gently forced him back against the car. I caged him in with my arms, but I refrained from touching him since I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to let him go if I did.
“Yes, I knew some stuff about you going into this thing, but the only thing I lied about was my job, because it’s not exactly conducive to a first date to tell the guy you’re really hoping will go out on a second date with you that you’re basically a hired gun. And that’s what last night was, El. A date. An incredibly sweet, fun, perfect date that I never wanted to end. You gave me your trust last night, but I gave you something too. You just didn’t know it.”
“What?” he asked softly.
“Me. All of me. The parts I’m afraid to show others, the parts I’m ashamed to admit to, the parts that I’m proud of. I don’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I am with you. I don’t have to worry about sharing my fear that my brother is going to go off the deep end someday because of what happened to me. I don’t have to obsess over you thinking I was weak for not seeing that attack coming and not being able to stop it once it started. I don’t have to wonder if you’ll be the next person who’s going to betray me. You make me feel strong and needed and so fucking… whole.”
I leaned down to settle my mouth next to his ear and said, “You’re not a freak, Elliot. You’re fucking amazing and I would have been a lucky son of a bitch to have had the chance to love you.”
He let out a little gasp. I forced myself to pull back from him, but when I went to turn away, he grabbed the sleeve of my uninjured arm hard, bunching the material between his tight fingers.
“I don’t care what I am, Cruz,” he murmured as soon as his eyes met mine. “As long as I can still be yours.”
My heart beat painfully in my chest as I absorbed his words. He couldn’t be…
“El,” I whispered in disbelief.
