The same thing that had happened in that alcove.
His eyes held mine for the longest time and I knew this time it would have to be my choice. My mind was telling me not to go there, but deep down in my belly, something began to loosen and unfurl the longer Cruz held my gaze.
It’s okay to let go sometimes, Elliot. To let someone else shoulder the burden. Whether it’s for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a lifetime – it doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you failed.
What I did next wasn’t about the food. In truth, I didn’t care what I ate. No, it was about something else. It was about giving myself permission to feel something I never had. To give to someone else the things that sometimes became too much for me to hang onto.
Giving it to Cruz was safe because I’d never see him again after tonight. I knew that in my heart. I wasn’t sure what act of fate had decided to bring us together for the evening, but real life would return soon enough. I’d go back to getting everything right tomorrow. Tonight, I’d let Cruz do what he’d offered.
Take some of that burden.
And maybe I’d finally be able to breathe again.
I ignored the way the waitress was tapping her pen on her pad and kept my eyes latched on Cruz’s. When I tilted my head just the slightest bit, he immediately said, “He’ll have the same, but instead of sausage, give him another order of bacon.”
I smiled at that and leaned back against the booth. As soon as the waitress left, I said, “I love bacon.”
“I know,” Cruz responded, his eyes twinkling.
“How?”
He leaned against the table, arms folded, like he was about to tell me a secret. I did the same.
“You have a tell when something excites you, did you know that?”
I shook my head, but before I could say anything, Cruz reached across the table and ran his fingers over one of my hands. I pulled in a breath, then swallowed hard.
“There it is,” he said softly, his eyes on me.
“What? I swallow?” I asked stupidly.
The rough pads of Cruz’s fingers felt so good against my skin that I barely managed to suppress a moan.
“That too,” Cruz said with a chuckle. “But no, it’s your eyes. They light up – like you’re seeing something for the first time.”
“So, I’m like Pavlov’s dog?” I asked with a chuckle. “But instead of responding to the sound of a metronome, I hear the word bacon and I get all hopped up with excitement?”
“A metronome? I thought it was a bell.”
I shook my head. “Classic mistake. He used a metronome.” I flushed and said, “Sorry, I’m full of useless facts like that. In case you missed it, I’m a bit of a nerd.”
Cruz began playing with one of my hands. His finger stroked up and down the length of each one of mine over and over.
“I’m finding I’ve got a serious thing for nerds… well, one nerd in particular,” he said huskily.
I had no clue how long we sat there like that for before the waitress returned with our coffee. The interruption forced us apart and I leaned back in my seat until she left, then began preparing my coffee.
“So besides being able to kick my ass at trivia and your excellent costume selection choices, tell me what makes you tick.”
I smiled. “Not even going to ease me in, huh?” I asked.
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m not real good on easing anything,” he said with a self-deprecating smile.
Thank God for that.
“Well, um, I guess you already know about the foundation, since you were at the benefit. What were you doing there, by the way? I don’t recognize your name.”
“Afraid I crashed it?” Cruz asked.
