“So why stay in politics after you decided not to run as a Republican?”
“I thought I could undo some of what I’d done.”
“To Brody?” I asked carefully.
He nodded. He was still staring at the TV, but I knew he wasn’t watching what was on the screen anymore.
“Knowing people would never leave Brody alone to live his life…that he’d carry this label around that somehow made him less than human…I couldn’t just stand by and let that happen. This whole time I had myself convinced it was just about Brody and people like him. I don’t know why it was so hard to admit the truth to myself.”
“Not many people seek out being different, Nathan. I sure as shit didn’t want to be gay,” I admitted. “I knew I wanted to be with David, but I think if I’d had a choice in the whole thing, I would have chosen the path that ensured I could have everything I wanted. Military career, family. I mean, who wants to have to fight for things that should just be a given? It shouldn’t have been about me fighting to be allowed to love whoever I wanted. But that’s what it became - that’s who I became. Not a soldier, not a man, not a brother. Gay. I’m gay first and everything else second. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.”
“You don’t think things can change?” Nathan asked as he straightened and turned to look at me again.
“Over time, maybe. But do I think in my lifetime, or even yours, that that label will go away? No, I don’t.”
“But that doesn’t mean we should stop fighting. Maybe the battle we win today is one less battle that needs to be fought tomorrow.”
I sighed and nodded. “Maybe. But I’m damn tired of fighting,” I murmured.
Nathan nodded and settled back against me. “Here, you old geezer,” he said as he handed me the remote.
I took it and let my free hand slide down his abdomen until it lingered just above the button of his jeans. “Geezer, huh?” I said softly as I gently bit down on his earlobe. Nathan shuddered, and then his hand was covering mine and trying to urge it south. “Maybe you need a repeat of what I did to you on that kitchen table?”
The sounds coming out of his mouth had no meaning, but itwas clear what his bobbing head was saying. Then he was turning to seek out my lips. Unfortunately, an alert on my phone beeped, and I was forced to pull my mouth from his. “I gotta check this, baby,” I said as he tried to follow me with his mouth. He let out a growl and dropped his head to my chest. I grabbed my laptop off the side table and opened it up.
“Someone besides your assistant opened the email,” I said.
“Can you trace it?” Nathan asked.
I spent several minutes tracking the guy’s trail, but just like the others, it began hopping from one IP address to another. I shook my head and closed the laptop.
“At least we know he’s still watching,” Nathan murmured.
“Yeah. Just be nice to know who it was we’re looking for,” I said in frustration. I had a general idea of the guy’s build from the night he’d attacked Nathan, but that was it.
“How do you know how to do all this stuff?” Nathan asked as he motioned to my laptop. “Did the army teach you?”
“Some of it. I was always into gadgets and stuff when I was a kid. My dad liked to fix old radios, so that was how it started. As I got older, I just liked figuring out how things worked. I suppose if I hadn’t gone into the military, I would have been an engineer or something.”
“So you taught yourself?” Nathan probed.
I knew what he was really asking me. I sighed, and Nathan immediately shifted back. “I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-”
I grabbed his hand when he tried to stand. “Sit,” I said gently. He settled back on the couch and I turned so I was facing him. I studied him for a moment and shook my head. “I keep telling myself I’m not telling you because I’m worried it’ll get out, but that’s bullshit,” I admitted. “I know you’d take my secrets to your grave.”
He nodded, but remained silent, his whiskey-colored eyes holding mine.
“Truth is, I’m afraid it will change how you look at me.”
“It wouldn’t-”
I pressed my thumb against his lips to silence him. “I can’t tell you everything…”
Nathan nodded and when I dropped my hand, he remained silent.
“After the military discharged me and the contracting work started to dry up, the Department of Defense came calling with a job offer. One of my commanding officers worked for this unit that worked with other groups…FBI, CIA, NSA. The department ran top secret missions all over the world, usually as part of small teams of men, all former military. The work seemed legit at first…saving high-value hostages, doing recon on targets, that sort of thing. But then everything changed.”
Chapter 23
