“Nathan, we need to talk about what happened this morning,” I began. “I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry…it was incredibly irresponsible.”
He didn’t respond at first. When he did, it was merely to pull my fingers to his mouth so he could press a kiss against them. “I trust you, Vincent. I know you would never put me in danger.”
“I wouldn’t,” I confirmed. “But I should have told you beforehand that I’ve been tested and I’m negative.”
Nathan nodded. “Me too. My last girlfriend wasn’t exactly faithful, and even though I always used protection with her, I wanted to be sure.” After several beats, he went on to say, “I liked it…knowing part of you was still with me.”
Fuck, this man was going to be the death of me. How had I ever thought he was like the others in his business? The man seemed incapable of telling a lie.
Nathan settled more heavily against me, and I gladly wrapped my arms around him when I felt his body tremble.
“I told Everett I was gay,” he whispered.
I settled my mouth against his temple. “How did it go?”
“It was scary as fuck.”
I nodded in understanding, even though he couldn’t see me. I figured he could feel the motion.
“I can’t stop thinking about Brody…how scared he must have been to tell me. He was so young…”
“You were, too,” I reminded him.
He shook his head. “I was his big brother. I was supposed to look out for him. He…he’d barely even gotten the words out when I told him he wasn’t…that he couldn’t…”
Nathan’s voice broke, but he pressed on. “I told him he couldn’t be a fag and that he’d go to hell.” Nathan’s hand reached up to wipe at what I assumed were tears. “But he refused to take it back. I called him a sick pervert, and then I went straight to my father and told him what Brody had said. I betrayed my own brother.”
A sob tore free from him, and when he curled his body so hecould press his wet face against my chest, I gladly held onto him. I dropped a kiss to his head. “It’s okay, Nathan.”
He shook his head. “No. My father…he threatened to send Brody to one of those places where they pray the gay away…”
I stiffened at that. “Conversion therapy?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “Brody begged my father not to. He promised he’d overcome it. My father was paranoid that it would somehow be leaked to the press, so he agreed to have our minister meet with Brody. It lasted weeks. Brody met with him night after night for hours at a time. He…he never told me what happened during the sessions, but I didn’t even recognize him when he was deemed cured. It was like he was just this shell of himself. We barely talked after that. The plan had always been for us to go to college and law school together, but he convinced my father to let him go to Yale while I attended Princeton. He came out again to our entire family a couple months after graduating from law school. I cut him out of my life after that. Told him he was a sick fuck and we were no longer brothers.”
I sucked in a breath. It was hard to link the man in my arms to such a cold act of cruelty.
“It should have been harder,” Nathan murmured. I could feel moisture seeping through my shirt and realized Nathan was likely still crying, but silently.
“What should?” I asked.
“Coming out for the first time. It should have been to my father or someone like him.”
“Is that what you think Brody would have wanted? For you to suffer like he did?”
“No, Brody’s too good of a man for that.”
We both fell silent for several minutes until Nathan said, “Everett told me about him and your brother.” Nathan shifted enough so he could sit up. His wet eyes connected with mine. “Will you tell me about him? Your brother, I mean.”
I wanted to tell him no, because I knew what talking about Pierce would do to me. But I found myself nodding my head insteadand when I opened my arms again, Nathan settled himself back against my chest.
His weight on my body and the feel of his heartbeat against where our hands were joined on my chest made it much easier to open my mouth and start talking.
Chapter 21
Nathan
“From the timeI was old enough to say his name, I wanted to be just like Pierce. I idolized him and literally followed him everywhere. My mom used to love to tell everyone the story about how she came into my room one morning to find me missing from my crib. She and my dad had already called the cops by the time they found me asleep on the floor next to Pierce’s bed. From that moment on, wherever Pierce was, I was. Even as he got older, he spent more time with me than he needed to. If he was going to meet friends to shoot some hoops or whatever, he took me along. When I was old enough to play, he let me join in. If I had to choose between hanging out with my own friends or Pierce and his, I always chose Pierce,” Vincent explained, his voice soft and reverent.
