After Ethan had finished his shower, I’d gone to take one myself. I’d given Ethan my phone so he could talk to Lucy and by the time I’d come back out, Ethan had been in bed.
In the wrong bed.
Instead of making him get up and join me in the bed we’d been using earlier, I’d merely crawled into his bed. I’d been about to ask him if it was okay when he’d snuggled back against me with a soft sigh before I’d even gotten completely settled. He’d left his shirt off to sleep, as had I, so I’d gotten to spend the entire night reveling in the feel of his skin against mine. He’d had one nightmare in which he’d begged someone to stop, though it took no thought to knowwho that someone was. A few whispered words in his ear had settled him and he’d slept through the rest of the night.
I’d used the time to try to understand what was happening to me. It was like I’d told Ethan. For whatever reason, my body didn’t care that he was a man…I’d never been more attracted to someone in my entire life. And while the idea of trying to navigate the physical aspects of being with a man instead of a woman was a little daunting because of the newness of it all, I knew I would love every moment of it because I couldn’t get enough of him and we’d barely even done anything. My brain was another matter, though. I’d never been in a relationship before, so I had no idea what that meant. The idea that whatever this thing between us was could someday morph into something twisted and ugly like what my parents had had, scared the hell out of me. They’d claimed to love each other so deeply that nothing else existed for them…not even their kids. I could see myself having the same depth of feeling for the man in my arms, but what if it turned into something like what my parents had had? No, I would never hurt Ethan, but what if I became obsessed…what if I lost myself in the process and I ended up hurting him in other ways?
I’d tried to remind myself that my parents’ relationship wasn’t normal and that I should look to the many pairings and threesomes within my own social circle as guides. But my mind always went back to my parents.
And I hated that.
I was also making a pretty big presumption. Maybe Ethan didn’t even want to see if there was something between us. We’d known each other for a little over two weeks and he had been and still was under an immense amount of stress.
“I can practically hear it,” Ethan said softly.
“What?” I asked.
“You thinking about things.”
He turned in my arms, but he was careful not to touch me. He tucked his hand under his head so he could watch me.
“Sorry,” I said. I remembered his question about the hospital. I knew he meant trying to get his medical records that had evidenceof the aftermath of Eric’s brutal beating and rape. “He will have notified them to contact the police if you show up to get a copy of your medical records.”
Ethan sighed and fell silent. He reached out to brush his thumb over my cheek. Early morning light was filtering into the room through the curtains. It wasn’t much, but I could make out his face.
“Morning,” he said softly.
“Morning,” I responded with a smile. He looked so rumpled and relaxed that I couldn’t help but feel at ease.
“What has you thinking so hard?” he asked.
“You,” I admitted. “This,” I said as I motioned between us with my chin.
“Is that good or bad?” he asked.
“Good for me,” I murmured as I reached out to cup his cheek. I leaned in to kiss him lightly.
“But you think it’s bad for me?” he asked, his brow furrowing just a bit.
“I think you’re under a lot of pressure right now and things will look very different when all this is over.”
“What things?” he asked.
When I didn’t say anything, he softly said, “You?” His thumb trailed over my chin. “Do you think I’ll seeyoudifferently when things are settled?”
I nodded. “I’m not an easy man, Ethan.”
“I’m not looking for easy, Cain.” He fell silent for a moment before saying, “I’m not seeing you as some knight in shining armor. Yes, you make me feel safe, but it’s so much more than that. I’m…I’m hoping that when things calm down, you might want to get to know me better. Like I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?” I automatically asked because I had no interest in waiting for shit to calm down.
Ethan smiled. “Um, okay, what’s your favorite color?”
“Black.”
He chuckled. “I guess I should have known that because of your truck, huh?”
“What’s yours?”
